In Grief: Offering Survivor Support to Insurance Beneficiaries

Since the 17th century, insurance agents have been the foremost experts on risk.  ~ Charles Duhigg

An insurance representative writes: So nice having dinner with you the other night. I'm writing to thank you for sharing with me a copy of your book, Finding Your Way Through Grief: A Guide for the First Year. You may not believe this, but I read the entire book on the plane coming home Sunday. I found so many situations that I have seen in real life doing "Survivor Support" counseling, that I couldn't put the book down. I think it would be a most appropriate reading for 90% of my clients.

Here are some random thoughts in no particular order which I made notes about while reading:

In Grief: Trying to Forget Mum's Passing

Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never met.  ~ Unknown

A reader writes: It's been a week since the fifth anniversary of my Mum's passing. Since then, I have found that I'm trying to forget about it. Putting it to the back of my mind and hoping it doesn't appear in a conversation. Is that wrong? It’s also been six months since I visited the cemetery, but it's not because I find it hard to go there, I suppose I feel that it's not important to. Is that wrong?

Using Avoidance or Denial to Cope with Loss

Denial helps us to pace our feelings of grief. There is a grace in denial. It is nature's way of letting in only as much as we can handle. ~ Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

A reader writes: I feel extremely depressed. My father, who is my best friend and closest person to me, passed away. Ever since I was little, I was always afraid he'd be taken away from me; he and I were very close, and he was the best father any person could ask for. He's the type of father who'd drive you around town for hours when you needed some last minute item for your school project that's due the next day. He's the type of father who will buy your favorite foods and secretly put it in your fridge. He's the type of father who will drop everything to listen when you're having a problem. We hugged each other every day, and I always told him I loved him. Why did this happen? I must be such a horrible person to be punished in this way.

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 16 - March 1, 2025

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week: 

Every year, Hillsdale students bury parents, siblings, or best friends. Every year, Hillsdale students suffer devastating mental or physical health crises. Every year, Hillsdale students endure divorce or serious family discord. And if they’re bold enough to share the struggles, they most often receive pity or polite silence: two poor substitutes for real empathy. We can do better. In a largely Christian environment, we have the tools and tradition at our disposal to better accompany those teammates, classmates, and friends who are grieving. First, though, we must open our hearts. After Eden: Embrace Grief « Hillsdale Collegian

Struggling With Acceptance and "Letting Go" in Grief

The beautiful journey of today can only begin when we learn to let go of yesterday.  ~ Steve Maraboli

A reader writes: I send you a letter, asking for guidance and help, my father passed away two months ago, and it's very hard to accept that he is gone, my mom is angry and sad, can you help us.

Using Alternative Healing in Grief

A wise man ought to realize that health is his most valuable possession. ~ Hippocrates

Alternative healing refers to a broad range of medical practices and therapies that are used instead of conventional (mainstream) medicine. These treatments are often based on cultural traditions, holistic approaches, or natural remedies. While some alternative therapies have scientific support, many lack rigorous clinical testing to confirm their effectiveness. Still, alternative therapies can be valuable tools for coping with grief by offering holistic approaches that address emotional, physical, and spiritual healing. 

Alternative therapies that may help during the grieving process include the following:

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 9 - February 15, 2025

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week: 

While there's no single right way to navigate loss, for many, having support from others can make the grieving process a bit easier, research shows. A 2020 review analyzed over a dozen studies on bereavement groups for grief and depression symptoms. The findings showed that bereavement groups were slightly more effective than control groups immediately after treatment, meaning they provided some short-term relief for grief and depression symptoms. Group support might help you cope with grief, data shows « Cheny Free Press

In Grief: "Time For Me to Write My Experiences"

We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect. ~ Anaïs Nin

A reader writes: I'm not sure what I'm writing here..but felt compelled to say something.  I have been on a horrendous journey since my husband died 4 yrs ago.  Every trauma has hit the children and me.....tonight my son aged 13 who is very ill came to my bed.....he couldn't sleep and was in terrible pain...I don't know how or why..but for the second time over the past few years I did hands-on healing on his stomach....which was an incredible experience for him and me...and that resulted in our best chat together in four years, and he fell asleep.....all I realized was that I had not protected myself from taking his pain....and I became acutely aware of some "talents" that I have........I rushed downstairs and searched the Net, to find information on healing....and then psychic surgery...and then somehow I got to your site!!!

Understanding and Managing Grief, January 19 - February 8, 2025

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed:

[T]hat a man might actually feel a profound emotional connection to his unborn child as it lives—or dies—inside someone else’s body is not a truth we’re especially comfortable with.“My body, my choice,” the longtime rallying cry of abortion rights advocates, emphasizes exactly whose body and whose choice it isn’t. In the public imagination, men’s feelings on this topic are of no consequence; some find it inconceivable that they even have feelings at all.  The Men Who Lost Their Babies « The FreePress

Grief Rituals Can Help on Special Days

Part of my mourning is not “hanging out" with memories of the last years of mother’s life as dementia wreaked havoc. I am not ignoring the memories.  I am not afraid to go there. I just don’t stay long if I am summoned by a particular painful memory. ~ Harold Ivan Smith, in Grieving the Death of a Mother 

We’ve barely made it through the holidays of November, December and January, and now the stores are filled with hearts and flowers and candy, all of it in celebration of the gift of love.

But February 14 can be a difficult day for those of us who are grieving, and for some it will be the first Valentine’s Day since our precious Valentine died. For us there is no celebration; there is only grief.

In Grief: Coping with Loneliness and Solitude

Our language has wisely sensed the two sides of being alone. It has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word solitude to express the glory of being alone. ~ Paul Tillich

If you are among those traveling the winding path of grief, you're probably quite familiar with both these sides of being alone: loneliness and solitude.

With an overwhelming sense of missing the one you love comes the crushing awareness of all that you have lost. You’d give anything to be together again, if only long enough to be relieved of your loneliness and to be reassured that your loved one is still a part of your life.

In Grief: Feeling Pressured to "Move On"

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.  ~ Robert Frost

A reader writes: I was married to a wonderful man for 26 years. At the age of 45 he suffered a massive heart attack and was given a life expectancy of two to five years, but with pacemakers, meds, and various procedures, he was able to be with us another ten years. They were not always easy years, as illness does not bring out the best in any of us. Nevertheless, we fell back in love and had the opportunity and blessing of this past year. We grew very close and he was my best friend. We have a grown son that my husband cherished. My question is this: Why after only six weeks do others think my son needs to move on?????

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 15 - January 18, 2025

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed:

The end of a caregiving journey brings a complex mix of emotions that can feel overwhelming and confusing. While grief is expected, many caregivers are surprised to experience relief after caregiving ends – a natural feeling that often triggers guilt. Understanding these emotions is crucial for healing and moving forward. Relief after Caregiving Ends « Caregiver Action Network

Meaningful Quotes on Pet Loss: Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers, Part 1

The profoundest thought or passion sleeps as in a mine, until an equal mind and heart finds and publishes it. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson, in Quotation and Originality

In my many years of working with and supporting bereaved animal lovers ~ not to mention learning to cope with losses of my own cherished pets ~ I've found that reading selected quotes on pet loss can be profoundly helpful ~ for a number of reasons:

First, such quotations validate emotions, as they encapsulate feelings of grief, love, and loss in a concise and relatable way, helping individuals feel understood and less alone in their sorrow.

Coping with Overwhelming, Traumatic Loss

Reality is the leading cause of stress for those in touch with it. ~ Jane Wagner

A reader writes: I have come to the conclusion this year for me is supposed to be a lifetime movie. To start the year off I had to admit my son to a psychiatric hospital. He was bullied in school and wanted to die. He was also still having trouble dealing with his biological mother's death. She died of leukemia.

I get him home and less than 2 weeks later my family awoke to find my 2-year old daughter dead in her bed. She was happily playing the night before, but had died in her sleep from an undetected heart condition. 

Every day is a struggle and I am in more pain than I can bear.