Around ten years ago, I inadvertently killed a cat while driving home from a class on a dark road. I later killed a deer that ran directly in front of my car. I have been unable to overcome the guilt in all that time, as I feel that I need to apologize to the cat's owner in order to properly move on (I've never found them). If I never find the owner, to whom should I directly apologize?
I recently tried to post my story on the blog for the only widely known support group for people who have caused accidental death or injury, but my story was rejected for not having a human casualty. This invalidating made me feel even worse.
I found your blog yesterday, and saw articles about people who had inadvertently ended the lives of animals, and I can empathize with them.
Therefore, do you know of any specific groups or organizations where I can reach out for specific help? The organization that spurned me said to try the ASPCA or anyone on the Wikipedia list of animal welfare groups. However, none of those are really in a position to help, as assistance to people in a difficult mental state is not their area of expertise.
If you don't know of any such groups, what steps do you recommend I take to create it myself?
Thank you for what you do! It is sincerely appreciated.
My response: My heart reaches out to you after reading your story. You seem to be a very responsible and caring person. And the thought occurs to me: Only good and decent people feel guilty. Bad people never feel guilty over the things they have done or should have done.
Clearly these incidents you describe were accidents. It was never your intention to deliberately bring harm to these innocent creatures. Ask yourself how you would judge someone else under similar circumstances. Guilty or not? Can you give yourself the same level of compassion and understanding you would offer to another?
You've asked if you never find the owner of the cat you accidentally killed, to whom should you directly apologize? I would suggest that you find an alternative way to issue that apology. You could construct a ritual as a means of letting go of your guilt. By that I mean you could write a letter, expressing all that you'd like to say to the owner of that cat ~ then take the letter, burn it, and send the smoke heavenward, releasing your guilt along with it. The idea is to get the thoughts out of your head, onto the paper, and then to let them go.
You've reached out to animal welfare groups, but I would encourage you to look to pet loss support resources instead. Those would be more likely able to relate to your situation. See, for example,
As for starting your own support group, you might begin by Googling "how to start a support group", as you'll find lots of helpful suggestions for doing so. See also Starting A Support Group: Suggested Resources
In addition, I urge you to read the following, in hopes that the content will speak to you in ahelpful way:
Wishing you comfort, peace and healing ♥
Afterword: Thank you for your kind words. They were a good way to start my Sunday. I will take these into consideration, as I definitely related to the story of the young boy and his brother's guinea pig from 2022 or 2023.
The other organization I reached out to probably isn't equipped for animal loss, and may not have been prepared for such an inquiry.
I will think about what to say in a letter, and get started drafting it as soon as I can. It will take a lot of introspection.
Again, thank you for providing a kind, safe place, and showing that such a grace exists in the world.
Related:
- Finding Support for Pet Loss
- Pet Loss: Finding Support in A Group
- Pet Loss: Grateful for Comfort and Kinship in Grief
- Pet Loss: When Guilt Goes Unresolved
- Using Writing to Help with Grief
© by Marty Tousley, RN, MS, FT
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment
Your comments are welcome!