A reader writes: I love dogs, and since my husband died, only my beautiful little Cockapoo saves me from living alone. I couldn't survive without her. I know how many dogs in shelters need homes, and one great no‑kill shelter near me may have to shut down for lack of funds. So I've been thinking a lot about adopting a second dog. But I don't know if it's a good time to bring a new pet into my life. I still hurt so much from losing my husband that the thought of opening up my heart again, even to a dog, is scary. And I've been a human companion to many dogs, so I know what to expect: Bringing a new one home would probably mean some bad behavior, an "accident" or two, maybe some chewing and (I hope not) fighting. If these were normal times, no problem. But with the limited control of emotions I have now, I worry that both the dog and I might be too stressed.
I'm tempted to wait a while longer before looking for a dog, but so many need help now—the right pet for me might be out there right now, but might not be around if I wait till I feel more settled. It's hard to know what to do.
My response: As a fellow animal lover, I can certainly understand why you're considering whether to bring another dog into your life right now. I also think you are wise to be raising whatever questions and doubts you may have now, ahead of time, as you think about and weigh all sides of this important decision.
It's certainly true that there are some great benefits in having an animal companion. As I'm sure you already know from your own experience with your darling Cockapoo, loving and caring for a dog enables you to feel productive, useful and needed; to have someone to talk to and communicate with; to feel companionship and closeness with another, thereby feeling secure, protected, supported and not alone; to feel touched, both physically and emotionally; to engage more actively in life, as your dog depends on you for food, water, exercise and medical care; and to be motivated toward better care of yourself, out of a sense of responsibility for your animal friend. These are very real benefits for anyone, and most especially for one who is mourning the death of her spouse!
Select carefully. If you do decide to bring a new dog into your life, you'll want to do all you can to make certain that the dog you select will be a loving, well adjusted companion, and that he or she gets along with your other dog. Fortunately there are many books, articles and websites to guide you in this process. See, for example,
The Ultimate Guide to Pet Adoption
How to Select a Shelter Dog
How to Find and Adopt a Healthy Dog from a Shelter
How to Adopt a Dog From A to Z
How to Find and Adopt a Healthy Dog from a Shelter
How to Adopt a Dog From A to Z
Finding a Dog with the Right Energy
The Adoption Process: Questions to Ask Yourself
Choosing the Right Dog for You
Introducing Your New Dog to Other Pets
The Health Benefits of Having a Dog
Use your own good judgment. You say that you have limited control over your emotions right now, and you are tempted to wait a while longer before looking for another dog. While I appreciate your concern for all the dogs in shelters in need of homes and people who will love them, I also think it's important to listen to your heart and feel okay about putting your own needs first. On the other hand, if you take your time, do your homework and have a good idea of the type and temperament of the dog you're looking for, and if you make your selection carefully, this may be the perfect time to bring a new companion into your life.
Whatever you decide, please know that I am thinking of you and wishing you all the best.
Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.
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Use your own good judgment. You say that you have limited control over your emotions right now, and you are tempted to wait a while longer before looking for another dog. While I appreciate your concern for all the dogs in shelters in need of homes and people who will love them, I also think it's important to listen to your heart and feel okay about putting your own needs first. On the other hand, if you take your time, do your homework and have a good idea of the type and temperament of the dog you're looking for, and if you make your selection carefully, this may be the perfect time to bring a new companion into your life.
Whatever you decide, please know that I am thinking of you and wishing you all the best.
Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.
Related Articles:
- How Pets Can Benefit Older People's Mental and Physical Health
- Pet Loss: At My Age, Is It Selfish to Get Another Dog?
- Pet Loss: How Long Before Adopting Another?
- To Move or Not? Making Decisions In the Wake of Recent Loss
- Why You Shouldn't Adopt a Dog
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