Voices of Experience: What You Want Your Loved Ones To Know When You Die

Rusty Rosman spent years helping her parents and her in-laws as they aged. Over the years, Rusty saw many of their friends and their families conflicted over final arrangements and family confrontations. After making sure the parents updated their estate planning, Rusty encouraged them to write out their final wishes for their funerals, mourning period and then, what they wanted done with their belongings that weren’t covered in their legal documents. Rusty is one of four children. Having her parents put their wishes in writing made the heartbreaking experience of a parent’s death much easier for all four of them to navigate—because they had their parents’ wishes in writing. From that experience, Two Envelopes:What You Want Your Loved Ones To Know When You Die was born. 

Here Rusty encourages us to convey our final wishes to family and loved ones by preparing our own two envelopes:

It’s not always easy to think about dying—but each of us will, ready or not.

I wrote Two Envelopes to share what I have learned in helping my parents and countless others guide their loved ones with what to do after the death of a family member. Preparing Envelope #1 and Envelope #2 gives your family and those important to you the greatest gift of your love—telling them what to do after you die so they don’t have to figure it out alone.

Tell your family what you want. They don’t have to think about what you would want, and whether it is right or not—you are telling them. They want to do what you want. Two Envelopes helps you tell them. 

I wish you peace of mind as you go through preparing your family for your death. Yes, you’ll cry a lot. There are so many hard things to decide, and you will often question yourself as you prepare your envelopes. Throughout this preparation, remember how much you love your family and will do anything to make this time of their lives less stressful. This is the hardest thing you will ever do to make it easier for the ones you love the most. They will appreciate what you did for them and love you for it…

We all know this to be true:

We all die.

We all mourn the passing of loved ones.

We all must deal with the details related to our loved ones death. 

Your family will appreciate you even more because of what you placed in your Two Envelopes. 

© 2024 by Rusty Rosman

About the Author: As a former teacher and commercial real estate broker, Rusty has had experience working with people of all ages and circumstances. As a lifelong community leader, Rusty has served as president and fundraiser for  several nonprofit community organizations. In her community where she has lived her entire life, she is a member of the Zoning Board of Appeals and the Property Tax Board. Rusty and her husband Stephen are the very proud parents of Lauren O’Desky and Brian Rosman, both of whom work in medical and medical related fields. Their six grandchildren are the delight of their lives. Rusty can be reached at TwoEnvelopesABook@gmail.com. Her website is RustyRosman.com. 

Related: 

• Affirming the Value of Elements of Meaningful Funerals by Alan Wolfelt

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© by Marty Tousley, RN, MS, FT

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