When Grief Is Delayed and Unresolved

[Reviewed and updated July 14, 2024]

Every difficulty slurred over will be a ghost to disturb your repose later on.     ~ Rabindranath Tagore

A reader writes: I found your Grief Healing websites via Google and I appreciate the wonderful articles and online support group you offer. I'm a man, 44, and through some wonderful recent life experiences I am just now getting in touch with some very old and very deep sadness. It feels like grief but there's no person I'm grieving over; it's the loss of a normal childhood that I'm feeling deep sadness over. Are there grief support groups on the Internet that help guide people in my situation? Thanks very much.

Voices of Experience: Living After My Son's Suicide

On the afternoon of December 23, 2011, Judi Merriam's eighteen-year-old son, Jenson, took his life ~ an act that blindsided everyone who knew him ~ changing her life and those of her family forever. The suicide of a loved one is devastating for those left behind and brings deep despair and seemingly endless grief. Judi was forced to confront profound feelings of loss and guilt and a future so very different from what she thought it would be. In her honest and soul-searching memoir, Empty Shoes by The Door, Judi reflects with grace and courage on the experience of living life after an unfathomable loss.

Understanding and Managing Grief, June 12 - June 18, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

While it may be a special day for many, Father's Day is a holiday that challenges the endurance of fatherless children, as well as fathers and grandfathers whose children or grandchildren have died. Father's Day: Insights on Coping with Grief « Grief Healing 

For practical suggestions on how to cope with grief and loss on Father’s Day ~ or on how to better understand and support a father in grief ~ I invite you to read one or more of the articles listed here. Coping with Grief on Father's Day: Selected Resources « Grief Healing

Pet Loss: Guilt Follows Adoption Mistake

Failure is the key to success; each mistake teaches us something.  ~ Morihei Ueshiba

A reader writes: Recently my husband and I bought a beautiful, 3-mo. old Shepherd/Rottweiler puppy. We brought her home and named her Jenny. From the first night it became apparent that we had made a mistake. We were not ready for the demands of a new puppy, nor could we agree on whether to keep her inside or outside (I say inside, my husband said out). We just bought our home, remodeled, and redecorated, and I was a nervous wreck at the thought of the puppy ruining the furniture.

Understanding and Managing Grief & Caregiving, June 5 - June 11, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The loss of a baby is an undeniably singular and terrible loss. And for those who haven’t experienced this type of loss, it can be difficult to know what to say or do or how to help. But social support is one of the ways that humans get through grief, and how you respond to your colleague affects their experience of returning to work and overall well-being. Distilled from the experiences of grieving parents, the author offers ways to best support team members who face this devastating loss.How to Support a Colleague Who Just Lost a Baby « Harvard Business Review

In Grief: Failing to Protect My Mother

Kiss of the sun for pardon. Song of the birds for mirth. You’re closer to God’s heart in a garden than any place else on earth. ~ Dorothy Frances Gurney

A reader writes: I have seen your internet site and found it so interesting. I lost my beautiful mother in 2020 having nursed her at home for ten years. She was wheelchair bound and had dementia but we had a wonderful life together. Sadly I spent alot of time during those years protecting her from Social Services and Continuing Healthcare who were always trying to take her away and put her in a home as the care was cheaper in a nursing home than in her own home and I had to have help from other carers. I was her full-time carer and was on the go all day and many nights at times. I loved caring for her but the endless battle with Social Services left me drained and frightened we would be parted. Social Services tried everything they could to break me down but I had my faith and love to keep me going.

Understanding and Managing Grief & Pet Loss, May 29 - June 4, 2022

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The addition of this new disorder is intended to help clinicians and patients recognize what ‘normal grief’ looks like versus ‘a long-term problem’. Opinion: There is now a disorder for ‘prolonged’ grief. But what does ‘normal’ grief look like? « The Globe and Mail 

Our dying and grieving processes have been disrupted during COVID. The Loss of a 'Good' Death « MedPage Today