Praise is warming and desirable. But it is an earned thing. It has to be deserved, like a hug from a child. ~ Phyllis McGinley
A reader writes: I joined your online discussion groups three months after my mother died. I always read the posts from others whose parents had died, but barely responded because there was so much said that I felt I could rarely come up with consolations that may have made an impact.
It’s now been nearly two years since my mother died, and I feel good. I have a lot going on in my life, a loving wife, 2 children and one on the way. I still cry over my mom, and oddly, when I'm at my best I miss her the most. I guess I must have loved to brag to her about my accomplishments and now I don't get that chance to make an impulse call, etc."
Anyway, I wanted to let you know how much I appreciate the work you are doing. I hope you feel good about yourself every day because you are making an impact with your words and kind thoughts and I think that is very powerful.
My response: Thank you so very much for your kind words, and I am so pleased to learn that you found our Grief Healing Discussion Groups to be of help to you, as you've traveled your own grief journey since your beloved mother died.
I am struck by your statement that when you read the posts from others whose parents had died, you barely responded because you felt you could "rarely come up with consolations that may have made an impact.”
If you return to our site and use the search feature that appears at the top of the page, you can enter your Display Name in the Search Term box and find a listing of all your posts, which you can go back and read if you choose to do so. I just did that, and I want to respectfully disagree with your notion that your comments "rarely made an impact." You see, we never know when something we share in a "group" such as this can have an important impact ~ even a profound one ~ on someone else. That is precisely why our Discussion Groups site is such a powerful source of support to those who are grieving.
When I went back and read all your posts, I noticed several things. One was how kind and understanding a person you are, such that, even in the midst of your own pain, you were willing to "put yourself out there" to give someone else some encouragement ~ even if it was simply to say, "Hey, you're not alone in how you feel. I feel the same way, too." Another observation: Notice how, as you read your posts over time, the growth in you is apparent, which clearly demonstrates the forward movement you made as you worked your way through those weeks and months following your mother's death. That conveys to other readers a powerful message of hope and healing: If you take steps to manage your reactions, you can move through your grief in a way that produces positive change and growth.
You also said, "I still cry over her, and oddly, when I'm at my best I miss her the most. I guess I must have loved to brag to her about my accomplishments and now I don't get that chance to make an impulse call, etc."
As a bereaved child myself, I can assure you that this is one of the things I miss most about my own parents ~ their role as "cheerleaders" in my life. I have a husband and two adult sons whom I love dearly, and I know they love me, too ~ but they don’t brag about me or recognize and openly appreciate my accomplishments the way my father and my mother always used to do. And sometimes I didn't even have to DO anything and my parents could still make me feel as if I was the most special kid in the world, because of course to them, I was. And so I relate completely to your statement that, ironically, it is when you're at your best that you miss your mom the most. Me, too!
In any event, from my heart to yours, I want to thank you for taking the time to write to me, I thank you for sharing your insight and wisdom in our Grief Healing Discussion Groups, and I wish you and your family all the very best. ♥
Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below. If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.
Related:
- Grief Support Online: An Invitation
- Parent Loss: Continuing Their Song
- Voices of Experience: The Fire Circle of Healing
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment
Your comments are welcome!