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In Grief: When Partners Are Mourning Separate Losses
A reader writes: I am at a loss with things right now and I really need some help. My partner's dad is dying and on the advice of his doctor he has been placed in hospice care. My mom passed 4 months ago today and I am still numb from that. I'm still not knowing how to handle my own grief, and now here I am with my partner and his family going thru this themselves.
Although they have dealt with passings a few times before, they are really upset. I also know that every passing is different and the feelings are different too. I am at a loss on how to handle this and how to help. I hate to see people hurting and in pain, but I am also in pain and very confused on how to handle it. On where and what to do. I am not in the family, only on the sidelines.
I had a bad experience with hospice with my mother, so now with this hospice in my own mind I am questioning their motives and everything they do. I keep it to myself, as I would never hurt the family with my feelings. I guess my question to you is how do I handle all of this, and where is my spot so I do not over-step my boundaries? I will be there for them all the way, but what if I have a moment because my own grief is so fresh? Am I being selfish for even thinking that I have my mom in my head also? I went to the hospice house last night and kept myself together until I was alone in my van and they could not see me. I went home and my partner came over and we ate dinner. When he went in my room and went to bed I went out on the couch, watched TV and feel asleep. We did not really speak but that is ok as we both were tired and stressed and drained.
I am at a loss for words again. I had just started to find myself remembering my mom in ways other than when she was in the hospital until she left me. I am now right back to thinking again about how she passed. I feel so alone with nobody to turn to. I keep everything bottled up inside and I feel as if any time now I am going to burst and that will be it. I have tried talking to a pro but it did nothing for me at all. It made me so much madder I was seeing red. I was made to feel as if I was an inconvenience.
I had a bad experience with hospice with my mother, so now with this hospice in my own mind I am questioning their motives and everything they do. I keep it to myself, as I would never hurt the family with my feelings. I guess my question to you is how do I handle all of this, and where is my spot so I do not over-step my boundaries? I will be there for them all the way, but what if I have a moment because my own grief is so fresh? Am I being selfish for even thinking that I have my mom in my head also? I went to the hospice house last night and kept myself together until I was alone in my van and they could not see me. I went home and my partner came over and we ate dinner. When he went in my room and went to bed I went out on the couch, watched TV and feel asleep. We did not really speak but that is ok as we both were tired and stressed and drained.
I am at a loss for words again. I had just started to find myself remembering my mom in ways other than when she was in the hospital until she left me. I am now right back to thinking again about how she passed. I feel so alone with nobody to turn to. I keep everything bottled up inside and I feel as if any time now I am going to burst and that will be it. I have tried talking to a pro but it did nothing for me at all. It made me so much madder I was seeing red. I was made to feel as if I was an inconvenience.