In Grief: When Current Losses Trigger Past Abuse

[Reviewed and updated November 7, 2022]

The human race tends to remember the abuses to which it has been subjected rather than the endearments. What's left of kisses? Wounds, however, leave scars.  ~ Bertolt Brecht

A reader writes: The first anniversary of losing my beloved cat Abby was last month, and the first anniversary of losing my beloved Cleo is just five months away. I still feel totally lost. I still forget they are gone. To make matters worse, my father is in end stage of Alzheimers. All three of these losses have somehow triggered some old historical abuse issues. I just thought I was further along in this journey of life than I actually am.

Understanding and Managing Grief & Pet Loss, October 20 - October 26, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Join us for a webinar discussion on when and how medication may be an effective support to help survivors along their grief journey. on December 3, 2019, 12 - 1:30 p.m. Understanding the Role of Medication in Grief Webinar, https://j.mp/2Wat5vs « TAPS Institute

Overwhelming loss can leave us vulnerable and unable to cope. That's why taking care of yourself is so critical. Taming the Grief Monster,  https://j.mp/33Zv5t5 « The Epoch Times

Twenty-four years later, I think about him every day. Every. Single. Day. It is not unpleasant. It is not painful. The scar over the huge chest wound is thin and tenuous, but it holds. This is grief. This is life. https://j.mp/2BDa1wb « Kevin MD

Pet Loss: A Young Teen Loses Two Best Friends

Image by ThePixelman from Pixabay 

[Reviewed and updated October 17, 2020]

The risk of love is loss, and the price of loss is grief. But the pain of grief is only a shadow when compared with the pain of never risking love.   ~ Hilary Stanton Zunin

A reader writes: I am 13 and recently lost my two best friends: a 19-year-old cat named Sandy, and a 3-year-old Guinea pig named Teddy. Obviously, my cat had been with my family long before I was born. I loved her as I loved a family member, because she was always there with a lick and a purr. Two weeks ago, she stopped breathing and we rushed her to the hospital. We figured she would come out ok and come home but she didn't get better. When I came home from school, I knew that by the look in my mom's eyes, she had to put Sandy to sleep. On Friday, my mom and I buried her with some flowers and a can of her food. Then, just when the huge hole in my heart had just about begun to heal, on fateful Friday, my Guinea pig took sick for the last time.

Understanding and Managing Grief, October 13 - October 19, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Loss of a spouse or a life-partner can occur suddenly or it can take a long time. I have witnessed people frequently debate which scenario is more comfortable with the survivors. The jury is still out. Anticipatory Grief – An Early On-Ramp to One’s Grief Journey, https:// j.mp/2VNvTyb « National Widowers Organization

Vanessa Poster describes how readers might take advantage of her virtual classes, her LIVE workshops in Los Angeles, or during the forthcoming Journeys of Hope, Healing and Health Bereavement Cruise. Voices of Experience: The Write Way: Using the Written Word to Heal Grief, https://j.mp/33yz8fU « Grief Healing

When does grief end is a question asked by many. Here we ask back, have you stopped loving your person? Is there an actual end date for grief? When Does Grief End? https://j.mp/2Mbp6vf « HealGrief.org

Voices of Experience: The Write Way: Using the Written Word to Heal Grief

Image by StartupStockPhotos from Pixabay 

Writing creates art out of pain.  ~ Vanessa Poster

Vanessa Poster is a nonprofit fundraising consultant, teacher, and poet. She is a member of the Los Angeles Poets and Writers Collective and has studied Method Writing with Jack Grapes for more than 20 years. She is a graduate of Stanford University with a Bachelors in Humanities and a Masters in Modern Thought and Literature. Following the death of her husband in 2015, Vanessa began using her writing to explore themes of grief, love and gratitude.

Understanding and Managing Grief, October 6 - October 12, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

For over three decades, students have shown an ever-increasing desire to learn about death. College Death Classes Are Gaining Popularity, http://j.mp/2My7kBp « Seven Ponds Blog

He suggested that I shouldn't be so terribly upset about the death of my dog. I disagreed. Losses come in many forms, and we can honor all of our feelings about them. Let me be upset. https://j.mp/2ME292C « Heart Callings

Craving sex is an awkward but deeply human response to one of life's worst moments. Yes, Grief Can Make You Horny, https://j.mp/2IBK0S6 « VICE

In Grief: When Child Loss Threatens A Marriage

Image by Steve Buissinne from Pixabay 

[Reviewed and updated December 2, 2021]

It seems that the stress of a serious and prolonged illness in a child is likely to make a poor marriage worse, but it may strengthen the relationship in an already close marriage, thus balancing the statistics.  ~ Dora Black, The Dying Child

A reader writes: I lost my daughter 8 months ago and now my marriage is falling apart. My daughter was 19 and had a rare form of cancer that was very debilitating and caused her great pain. I stayed home to care for her and had to watch her get worse and then die.

I need to keep busy on the weekends and my husband (not her bio-father) thinks I need to deal with her death. I deal with her death every day I pass her room. I need to keep busy so I don't dwell on the "I should have" and the guilt I have when I feel the "I should have".

I don't know what to do, I have told my husband I need to keep busy and I would like to keep busy doing things with him so I don't feel alone.

My marriage is on the edge of ending. We fight every weekend and it is getting worse and just like my daughter I think this is going to be the death of my marriage.

Caregiving, Grief & Pet Loss, September 29 - October 5, 2019

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Drawing on her own experience, JaneRVN explores the issue of taking time off when grieving for a pet, and how knowing yourself can help. Grief is Grief, https://j.mp/2OoMMhk « Vet Times 

When graveyards are the place your kids visit their dad, how do you reconcile a season full of plastic headstones and scary places? When Halloween is Real: Plastic Skulls and Real Cemeteries, https://j.mp/2LIYnWG « Refuge In Grief

My husband died six months ago today and today I found comfort in some simple little rituals that brought me closer to him. Mourning Rituals for 6 Months, https://j.mp/30JDQFE « The Artful Caregiver