Why do we keep looking for support in all the wrong places? It's like shopping for milk in a hardware store! ~ David Kessler
The ability to reach out to others, empathize with their pain and give hope in the face of the most devastating of circumstances is a rare and precious gift ~ and not always easy to find. Unless they've encountered death in a very personal way, most people really don't know what grief feels like and they may not know what, if anything, they can say or do to help us.
Dealing with the insensitivity of others when we're wanting and needing their support is one of the hardest aspects of mourning, most especially when it is our own friends and family members who just don't "get it." In such cases, we can look to others who stand ready to offer the understanding, comfort and support we need and deserve. We might also find it in our hearts to forgive the insensitive ones their shortcomings, find ways to inform and educate them, and show them how to do it better.
In my travels around the Internet, I've encountered a vast array of resources specifically addressing this matter of helping another in grief, and many are listed below ~ including links to a number of articles I've found, some books I've read myself and personally recommend, and several helpful and informative websites. As always, if you have a resource you'd like to see added, please let me know in the Comments section below.
Articles
6 Coping Skills to Work Through Grief by Hope Gillette and Sandra Silva Casabianca
16 Ways to Talk to People Who Are Grieving by Cariad Lloyd
50 Practical Gestures to Help A Grieving Friend by Hospice and Palliative Care of Greensboro
A Millennial's Guide to Grief in a Digital World by Crossroads Hospice and Palliative Care
A Wish List for Those Around You by Steve G
Advocating for Wholeness: Bereaved Parental Self Care by Kara L.C. Jones
Animals Are the Best Medicine by Roberta Taylor, LPN
Child Loss: Supporting A Sibling In Grief by Marty Tousley
Common Myths, Misconceptions about Grief by Marty Tousley
Company Prepares to Welcome Employee Back after Stillbirth by Monica Novak
Connecting to Grief: Men's Paths to Healing by Tom Golden
Coping As You Anticipate a Loss by Marty Tousley
A Millennial's Guide to Grief in a Digital World by Crossroads Hospice and Palliative Care
A Wish List for Those Around You by Steve G
Advocating for Wholeness: Bereaved Parental Self Care by Kara L.C. Jones
Animals Are the Best Medicine by Roberta Taylor, LPN
Child Loss: Supporting A Sibling In Grief by Marty Tousley
Common Myths, Misconceptions about Grief by Marty Tousley
Company Prepares to Welcome Employee Back after Stillbirth by Monica Novak
Connecting to Grief: Men's Paths to Healing by Tom Golden
Coping As You Anticipate a Loss by Marty Tousley
Death of A Parent: Negative Impact on A Couple's Relationship by Marty Tousley
Empathy 101: Five Tips for Supporting People in Grief by Carrie Doubts
Finding Reliable Grief Information and Support on the Internet by Marty Tousley
Fixing a Hole: Grieving with Other Men by Tom Golden
Five Important People You Will Attract in Grief by Gary Roe
Follow Your Heart When You Have a Chance to Comfort the Bereaved by Monica Novak
Funeral Etiquette: Things You Should Never Say At A Funeral by Chris Raymond
Finding Reliable Grief Information and Support on the Internet by Marty Tousley
Fixing a Hole: Grieving with Other Men by Tom Golden
Five Important People You Will Attract in Grief by Gary Roe
Follow Your Heart When You Have a Chance to Comfort the Bereaved by Monica Novak
Funeral Etiquette: Things You Should Never Say At A Funeral by Chris Raymond
Grief After Suicide Loss: Supporting A Friend by Marty Tousley
Grief Goes to Work: Part One by Patrick T. Malone
Grief Goes to Work, Part II by Patrick T. Malone
Grief Goes to Work: Part One by Patrick T. Malone
Grief Goes to Work, Part II by Patrick T. Malone
Grief Support for Survivors of Suicide Loss by Marty Tousley
Grief Support Group Didn't Help--Now What? by Marty Tousley
Grief Support: When Others Fail to Meet Our Expectations by Marty Tousley
Helping A Grieving Parent by Helen Fitzgerald
Helping A Grieving Parent by Marty Tousley
Helping A Friend Who Is Dying by Alan D. Wolfelt
Helping A Suicide Survivor Heal by Alan D. Wolfelt
Helping Another in Grief by Marty Tousley
Helping A Friend with Child Loss by Marty Tousley
Helping a Grieving Parent by Marty Tousley
Helping Bereaved Parents Cope by Sandy Fox
Helping Children Cope with a Parent’s Serious Illness by Marty Tousley
Helping Children Cope with Grief by Alan D. Wolfelt
Helping Grieving Children: A List of Suggested Resources by Marty Tousley
Grief Support: When Others Fail to Meet Our Expectations by Marty Tousley
Helping A Grieving Parent by Helen Fitzgerald
Helping A Grieving Parent by Marty Tousley
Helping A Friend Who Is Dying by Alan D. Wolfelt
Helping A Suicide Survivor Heal by Alan D. Wolfelt
Helping A Friend with Child Loss by Marty Tousley
Helping a Grieving Parent by Marty Tousley
Helping Bereaved Parents Cope by Sandy Fox
Helping Children Cope with a Parent’s Serious Illness by Marty Tousley
Helping Children Cope with Grief by Alan D. Wolfelt
Helping Grieving Children: A List of Suggested Resources by Marty Tousley
Helping The Bereaved Respond to "Well-Intentioned" Comments by William Hoy
Helping the Grieving Child in School by Linda Goldman
Helping Someone through Their Grief by Jill
Helping Teenagers Cope with Grief by Alan D. Wolfelt
Helping The Bereaved Respond to "Well-Intentioned" Comments by William G. Hoy
Helping Your Bereaved Friend by Helen Fitzgerald
Helping Your Friends Help You from What's Your Grief?
How Can We Help Grieving Children? by Joy Johnson
How Do You Know When to Contact Hospice? by Marty Tousley
How Friendships May Change for Bereaved by Brenda Marshall
How to Ask for More Help -- or Less by Laurie Spector and Ruth Spector Webster
Helping Someone through Their Grief by Jill
Helping Teenagers Cope with Grief by Alan D. Wolfelt
Helping The Bereaved Respond to "Well-Intentioned" Comments by William G. Hoy
Helping Your Bereaved Friend by Helen Fitzgerald
Helping Your Friends Help You from What's Your Grief?
How Can We Help Grieving Children? by Joy Johnson
How Do You Know When to Contact Hospice? by Marty Tousley
How Friendships May Change for Bereaved by Brenda Marshall
How to Ask for More Help -- or Less by Laurie Spector and Ruth Spector Webster
How to Be Authentic With Employees Who Are Grieving by Gloria Horsley
How to Help a Grieving Person from Journey of Hearts
How to Help Friends Dealing with Grief Over Divorce by Karen Finn
How to Help Our Friends Help Us When We Are Grieving by Joy Johnson
How to Support A Child After A Tragedy from Center for Grieving Children
How to Help a Grieving Person from Journey of Hearts
How to Help Friends Dealing with Grief Over Divorce by Karen Finn
How to Help Our Friends Help Us When We Are Grieving by Joy Johnson
How to Support A Child After A Tragedy from Center for Grieving Children
How to Support A Friend in Times of Grief by Amelia Evans
6 Steps to Support A Friend After Sexual Assault from Joyful Heart Foundation
How to Support Someone Affected by Suicide by the Jed Foundation
How We Mourn: Understanding Our Differences by Marty Tousley
In Grief: "Being There" for Someone in Mourning by Marty Tousley
In Grief: Helping My Partner Mourn His Dad When I'm Still Mourning My Mom by Marty Tousley
In Grief: Mourning The Loss of A Friend by Marty Tousley
6 Steps to Support A Friend After Sexual Assault from Joyful Heart Foundation
How to Support Someone Affected by Suicide by the Jed Foundation
How We Mourn: Understanding Our Differences by Marty Tousley
In Grief: "Being There" for Someone in Mourning by Marty Tousley
In Grief: Helping My Partner Mourn His Dad When I'm Still Mourning My Mom by Marty Tousley
In Grief: Mourning The Loss of A Friend by Marty Tousley
In Grief: Supporting A Partner in Mourning by Marty Tousley
In Grief: Supporting Someone Soon After A Death by Marty Tousley
In Grief: Supporting The Survivor of Suicide Loss: Helpful or Harmful? by Marty Tousley
It's Okay That You're Awkward, You Can Still Be A Great Friend by Megan Devine
Keeping and Sharing Memories of Our Babies by Monica Novak
Let's Stop Judging Others' Pain by Alice Wisler
Losing Someone Doesn't Make Me A Resident Grief Expert by Jordan Emmons
Maybe This Will Help - What I Know about Grief and Support by Staci Sulin
It's Okay That You're Awkward, You Can Still Be A Great Friend by Megan Devine
Keeping and Sharing Memories of Our Babies by Monica Novak
Let's Stop Judging Others' Pain by Alice Wisler
Losing Someone Doesn't Make Me A Resident Grief Expert by Jordan Emmons
Maybe This Will Help - What I Know about Grief and Support by Staci Sulin
Mother's Death Threatens Couple's Love Relationship by Marty Tousley
Mourning The Death of A Love Relationship: Suggested Resources by Marty Tousley
My Ex-BFF Keeps Posting About Grief. Should I Reach Out? by Nayomi Reghay
Pet Therapy: Therapeutic Use of Pets
Pet Therapy: Visiting Pets and Animal Assisted Therapy
Public Grief Rituals: What You Can Do by Joy Johnson
Re-membering Practices by Lorraine Hedke, MSW
7 Characteristics of Safe, Supportive People by Gary Roe
Stuffing Emotions Isn't a Good Grief Strategy by Steve Harris
Support the Support by Pamela Hester King
Supporting a Bereaved Parent, From a Distance by Marty Tousley
Supporting a Grieving Person from AGIS
Sympathy Gift Ideas for People Who've Lost A Loved One by Angela Morrow, RN
The Etiquette of Bringing Meals for Friends by Marilee McKee
The Mistake I Made With My Grieving Friend by Celeste Headlee
Tools for Healing - Grief Healing Discussion Groups Forum
Tools for Healing - Grief Healing Pinterest Board
Understanding Abortion Grief and the Recovery Process
Understanding the Griever: How Others Can Help by Alice Wisler
Using Children's Books to Help with Grief by Marty Tousley
How Can I Control My Anger? by Christian Nordqvist
What I Wish My Friends Had Said to Me After My Mom Died by Chelsea Gray
What Is Not Helpful to the Person in Mourning: A List of Don'ts by Marty Tousley
What Not to Say to A Bereaved Person via AK Lander
What Not to Say to a Suicide Survivor by Carol Loehr
What to Say to A Grieving Friend by Robert Neimeyer
What's The Right Thing To Say When Someone Is Grieving? by David Feldman
When A Child Is Dying, What Do Classmates Need to Know? by Norman Fried
Words That Comfort by Robbie Miller Kaplan
Angel Catcher: A Journal of Loss and Remembrance by Kathy Eldon
Barbara Karnes Books by Barbara Karnes, RN
Companioning the Bereaved: A Soulful Guide for Caregivers by Alan D. Wolfelt
Dying to Be Free: A Healing Guide for Families after a Suicide by Beverly Cobain and Jean Larch
Facing Death and Finding Hope: A Guide To The Emotional and Spiritual Care Of The Dying by Christine Longaker
Finding Your Way through Grief: A Guide for the First Year by Marty Tousley
Grief Bibliography compiled by the bereaved, for the bereaved
Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations for Working through Grief by Martha Whitmore Hickman
Helping Grieving People When Tears Are Not Enough: A Handbook for Care Providers by J. Shep Jeffreys
How to Survive the Loss of a Love by Colgrove, Bloomfield and McWilliams
Living Life Dying Death: A Guide to Healthy Conversations by Jennifer Collins Taylor
Grieving Beyond Gender: Understanding The Ways Men and Women Mourn by Kenneth J. Doka and Terry L. Martin
Mourning Has Broken: A Collection of Creative Writing about Grief and Healing by Liz Pearl and Mara Koven-Gelman
Past Perfect! Present Tense! Insights from One Woman's Journey As the Wife of a Widower by Julie Donner Andersen
Please Be Patient, I'm Grieving: How to Care for and Support The Grieving Heart by Gary Roe
Sheltering Thoughts about Loss and Grief by Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill
Stepping Through The Awkwardness by Marilyn Gryte
Tear Soup: A Recipe for Healing after Loss by Pat Schwiebert
The Art of Condolence : What to Write, What to Say, What to Do at a Time of Loss by Leonard M. Zunin and Hilary Stanton Zunin
The Depression of Grief: Coping with Your Sadness and Knowing When to Get Help by Alan D. Wolfelt, PhD
Support the Support by Pamela Hester King
Supporting a Bereaved Parent, From a Distance by Marty Tousley
Supporting a Grieving Person from AGIS
Sympathy Gift Ideas for People Who've Lost A Loved One by Angela Morrow, RN
The Etiquette of Bringing Meals for Friends by Marilee McKee
The Mistake I Made With My Grieving Friend by Celeste Headlee
Tools for Healing - Grief Healing Discussion Groups Forum
Tools for Healing - Grief Healing Pinterest Board
Understanding Abortion Grief and the Recovery Process
Understanding the Griever: How Others Can Help by Alice Wisler
Using Children's Books to Help with Grief by Marty Tousley
How Can I Control My Anger? by Christian Nordqvist
What I Wish My Friends Had Said to Me After My Mom Died by Chelsea Gray
What Is Not Helpful to the Person in Mourning: A List of Don'ts by Marty Tousley
What Not to Say to A Bereaved Person via AK Lander
What Not to Say to a Suicide Survivor by Carol Loehr
What to Say to A Grieving Friend by Robert Neimeyer
What's The Right Thing To Say When Someone Is Grieving? by David Feldman
When A Child Is Dying, What Do Classmates Need to Know? by Norman Fried
Why We Grieve Differently by Jinny Tesik
Words of Comfort for the Person in Mourning by Marty Tousley
Words to Avoid When Comforting the Bereaved by Marty Tousley
Words of Comfort for the Person in Mourning by Marty Tousley
Words to Avoid When Comforting the Bereaved by Marty Tousley
Words That Comfort by Robbie Miller Kaplan
Books
A Good Friend for Bad Times: Helping Others Through Grief by Deborah E. Bowen and Susan L. Strickler
A Good Friend for Bad Times: Helping Others Through Grief by Deborah E. Bowen and Susan L. Strickler
Angel Catcher: A Journal of Loss and Remembrance by Kathy Eldon
Barbara Karnes Books by Barbara Karnes, RN
Companioning the Bereaved: A Soulful Guide for Caregivers by Alan D. Wolfelt
Dying to Be Free: A Healing Guide for Families after a Suicide by Beverly Cobain and Jean Larch
Facing Death and Finding Hope: A Guide To The Emotional and Spiritual Care Of The Dying by Christine Longaker
Finding Your Way through Grief: A Guide for the First Year by Marty Tousley
Grief Bibliography compiled by the bereaved, for the bereaved
Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations for Working through Grief by Martha Whitmore Hickman
Helping Grieving People When Tears Are Not Enough: A Handbook for Care Providers by J. Shep Jeffreys
How to Survive the Loss of a Love by Colgrove, Bloomfield and McWilliams
Living Life Dying Death: A Guide to Healthy Conversations by Jennifer Collins Taylor
Grieving Beyond Gender: Understanding The Ways Men and Women Mourn by Kenneth J. Doka and Terry L. Martin
Mourning Has Broken: A Collection of Creative Writing about Grief and Healing by Liz Pearl and Mara Koven-Gelman
Past Perfect! Present Tense! Insights from One Woman's Journey As the Wife of a Widower by Julie Donner Andersen
Please Be Patient, I'm Grieving: How to Care for and Support The Grieving Heart by Gary Roe
Sheltering Thoughts about Loss and Grief by Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill
Stepping Through The Awkwardness by Marilyn Gryte
Tear Soup: A Recipe for Healing after Loss by Pat Schwiebert
The Art of Condolence : What to Write, What to Say, What to Do at a Time of Loss by Leonard M. Zunin and Hilary Stanton Zunin
The Depression of Grief: Coping with Your Sadness and Knowing When to Get Help by Alan D. Wolfelt, PhD
The Precious Present by Spencer Johnson, MD
The Sudden Loss Survival Guide by Chelsea Hanson
The Twelve Gifts for Healing Charlene Costanzo
Tough Transitions: Navigating Your Way through Difficult Times by Elizabeth Harper Neeld, PhD
Transcending Loss: Understanding the Lifelong Impact of Grief by Ashley Davis Bush, LCSW
Understanding Your Grief: Ten Essential Touchstones by Alan D. Wolfelt, PhD
When Cancer Strikes a Friend: What to Say, What to Do, and How to Help Bonnie E. Draeger
The Twelve Gifts for Healing Charlene Costanzo
Tough Transitions: Navigating Your Way through Difficult Times by Elizabeth Harper Neeld, PhD
Transcending Loss: Understanding the Lifelong Impact of Grief by Ashley Davis Bush, LCSW
Understanding Your Grief: Ten Essential Touchstones by Alan D. Wolfelt, PhD
When Cancer Strikes a Friend: What to Say, What to Do, and How to Help Bonnie E. Draeger
When Men Grieve: Why Men Grieve Differently and How You Can Help by Elizabeth Levang
When Your Heart Is Broken by Cheryl Kennard
Widow to Widow: Thoughtful, Practical Ideas for Rebuilding Your Life by Genevieve Davis Ginsburg
Internet Resources
When Your Heart Is Broken by Cheryl Kennard
Widow to Widow: Thoughtful, Practical Ideas for Rebuilding Your Life by Genevieve Davis Ginsburg
Internet Resources
Artwork for Healing with Memory Artist Nancy Gershman
Bereavement Artists: Celebrating the Life of a Loved One
Children, Teens and Grief
Choosing the Perfect Words of Condolence
Complicated Grief Program Overview
Dictionary of Loss from Kota Press
Do As One: Guided Breathing Meditations
Extraordinary Grief Experiences: Coping with Loss of a Loved One by Louis E. LaGrand
Financial Guidance for Widows - Kathleen Rehl website
Grief and the Homicide Survivor - VictimConnect Resource Center
Grief Support for Survivors of Suicide Loss
Guided Meditation for Hospice and Palliative Care from Health Journeys
Healing Jewelry for Miscarriage, Infant Loss, Infertility, Sympathy
Helping A Grieving Child - The WARM Place
Helping Grieving Children: A List of Suggested Resources Compiled by Marty Tousley
Helping Someone Who's Grieving Compiled by Marty Tousley
Hospice Foundation of America: Grief
How To Help Grieving Students - The WARM Place
Grief Support for Survivors of Suicide Loss
Guided Meditation for Hospice and Palliative Care from Health Journeys
Healing Jewelry for Miscarriage, Infant Loss, Infertility, Sympathy
Helping A Grieving Child - The WARM Place
Helping Grieving Children: A List of Suggested Resources Compiled by Marty Tousley
Helping Someone Who's Grieving Compiled by Marty Tousley
Hospice Foundation of America: Grief
How To Help Grieving Students - The WARM Place
Memory Dogs by Tammy Hendricks
Modern Loss
Online Grief Healing Discussion Groups
Penny Bear Company
Pet Therapy: Animal Assisted Therapy
Petals for Pax: Free Sympathy Cards and Flower Seed Packets
Project Linus: Providing Security through Blankets
Refuge in Grief
Shiva.com: The Resource for Jewish Mourning
Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
Tammy Bears: Custom-Made Memory Bears by Tammy Hendricks
The Widowed Pen Pal Program by Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
Modern Loss
Online Grief Healing Discussion Groups
Penny Bear Company
Pet Therapy: Animal Assisted Therapy
Petals for Pax: Free Sympathy Cards and Flower Seed Packets
Project Linus: Providing Security through Blankets
Refuge in Grief
Shiva.com: The Resource for Jewish Mourning
Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
Tammy Bears: Custom-Made Memory Bears by Tammy Hendricks
The Widowed Pen Pal Program by Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
Touching Souls: Healing with Bereavement Photography by Todd Hochberg, Photographer
Other
Centering Corportation - YouTube Video
Griefcast: Informational Series with J. Shep Jeffreys, Ed.D. - Audio
How Do You Help A Grieving Friend? - YouTube video
How to Comfort Someone Who's Lost a Loved One - YouTube video
How to Help A Grieving Friend - Resources Overview via Refuge in Grief
My Sister Won't Let Go of Her Daughter's Death - Video with Byron Katie
Sorry for Your Loss - 10-episode series on Facebook Watch
What to Say - What Not to Say - to Someone Who's Grieving - GriefHaven
What *Should* You Say When Someone Dies? - Megan Devine Interview
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