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Using Avoidance and Denial to Cope with Loss
Denial helps us to pace our feelings of grief. There is a grace in denial. It is nature's way of letting in only as much as we can handle. ~ Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
A reader writes: I feel extremely depressed. My father, who is my best friend and closest person to me, passed away. Ever since I was little, I was always afraid he'd be taken away from me; he and I were very close, and he was the best father any person could ask for. He's the type of father who'd drive you around town for hours when you needed some last minute item for your school project that's due the next day. He's the type of father who will buy your favorite foods and secretly put it in your fridge. He's the type of father who will drop everything to listen when you're having a problem. We hugged each other every day, and I always told him I loved him. Why did this happen? I must be such a horrible person to be punished in this way.
I had family members come over, telling me to stop crying and that "time will heal." Of course, these are the family members who haven't really lost anyone close. They say I need to accept this. Stop crying, stop crying, stop crying.
People who tell me to get over it have no idea how important he is to me. If I'm not crying, I'm making circles around the house like a zombie. I saw two counselors (I am a very open person about my feelings, so I looked forward to it), but they gave me clichés (he's in your heart; time will heal) and gave me meds without really listening to me (one of them was busy typing on his computer as I talked). I will try others later because I know finding a counselor that fits you is a process unto itself, but right now my mom and I are just talking about him 24/7 without going out except to buy food.
Denial helps us to pace our feelings of grief. There is a grace in denial. It is nature's way of letting in only as much as we can handle. ~ Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
A reader writes: I feel extremely depressed. My father, who is my best friend and closest person to me, passed away. Ever since I was little, I was always afraid he'd be taken away from me; he and I were very close, and he was the best father any person could ask for. He's the type of father who'd drive you around town for hours when you needed some last minute item for your school project that's due the next day. He's the type of father who will buy your favorite foods and secretly put it in your fridge. He's the type of father who will drop everything to listen when you're having a problem. We hugged each other every day, and I always told him I loved him. Why did this happen? I must be such a horrible person to be punished in this way.
I had family members come over, telling me to stop crying and that "time will heal." Of course, these are the family members who haven't really lost anyone close. They say I need to accept this. Stop crying, stop crying, stop crying.
People who tell me to get over it have no idea how important he is to me. If I'm not crying, I'm making circles around the house like a zombie. I saw two counselors (I am a very open person about my feelings, so I looked forward to it), but they gave me clichés (he's in your heart; time will heal) and gave me meds without really listening to me (one of them was busy typing on his computer as I talked). I will try others later because I know finding a counselor that fits you is a process unto itself, but right now my mom and I are just talking about him 24/7 without going out except to buy food.
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