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A reader writes: My situation isn't really typical of the reasons most people join your forums, but I am experiencing terrible grief and it's not something I can talk to anyone about because most people don't recognize or understand it. I feel incredibly alone.
I've seen a counselor for coming up to three years and she has helped me through some of the most difficult times of my life. I have a tough life with a long-term illness and I have a disabled child so I feel really isolated. I've been fortunate enough to see my counselor free at an agency and I feel really close to her. I'm not close to my family at all as I had a tough upbringing and I don't see my friends very often. I'm a single parent since my marriage broke down 5 years ago.
My counselor told me 4 weeks ago that she is leaving the agency due to personal circumstances.
I am utterly devastated. I can't put into words how bad I feel. I've come so far with her and I know I'm much stronger than I was before I started seeing her, but I've never known grief and despair as bad as this. Even my nan's death when I was 14 and the ending of my marriage pales in comparison. I am sobbing uncontrollably and I feel so alone. If it was a family member who had died or was moving away I could explain and people would understand and share in it, but the relationship with my counselor is a close and confidential one. No one else shares in it. That is a good thing but the pain is now so bad that I don't know how I can manage alone. I have no energy, my health problems are much worse and I don't know how to cope. I’ve been crying a lot already and actually thought I was over the worst, at least for the time being until she and I actually end, but I saw her yesterday and I've been thrown into unbearable emotional chaos. I spent yesterday evening and most of the night sobbing uncontrollably and in such despair I questioned being able to live through it all.
I feel so much pain and while it’s not a death and not actually a member of my family I feel closer to my counselor than any of my family and the loss is so profound that she might as well be. I have told her everything, she has given me so much, and always supported me. I care about her so much, nothing seemed as bad when I could talk to her about it. As I said I feel isolated because this isn't the sort of grief that is widely known about or accepted. I think it is still grief and from the posts I read on your site, people share similar feelings. Hope this makes some sort of sense.
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