A reader writes: I'm having a hard time with my mom. My parents have been divorced for 20 years and frankly, my mom couldn’t stand my dad and often said so. She got a new boyfriend right when my dad died. In fact she introduced me to him while I was throwing up in her bathroom from the grief of my dad’s death two days earlier. She told me the day before the funeral that my dad was in hell. She rolls her eyes if I cry in front of her. I tried to talk to her about how much I needed her and she said I was an adult with my own kids, and I don’t need her.
I told her an amazing story that had happened to me while I was at work as a waitress. I just so happened to wait on a nice lady and her husband. Come to find out, she was a mortician. I asked for what funeral home (never saying a word about my dad just passing) and she named the funeral home where my dad's funeral had just been held. I told her that, and then she asked his name. When I told her she cried, hugged me, and whispered in my ear that she "did" my father and treated him with love and respect, just as she would a member of her own family, and that he was in good hands. I cried, and it was very moving to me. I told my mom about it, and said maybe it was Dad's way of telling me he was okay.
She said, "He isn’t doing anything for you. He is dead and gone forever. Dead!"
She was angry and it hurt me. I'm really mad at her. I have never seen anyone act so selfish. Please tell me how to deal with her. I want to love her, but I feel so disgusted with her, like she is toxic to me. There is so much more that she has done or said that hurt me. That's just a little example of it. It's really bothering me. And I am looking into counseling, I know it will help me. I'm a talker!
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