In Grief: “I Fell In Love with My Patient”

Source

[Reviewed and updated February 21, 2021]

If you don't receive love from the ones who are meant to love you, you will never stop looking for it.  ~ Robert Goolrick

A reader writes: I am having much difficulty dealing with a patient that has passed away. I took care of him for a little over a year. During that time, my husband was less than kind. Anyway, I fell in love with the patient and I find I am grieving alone. I see a therapist however she advises me to seek some sort of group therapy. I feel so depressed. My husband knows all about the situation, and believe it or not, has been very supportive to me. He knows that if he were a little different, maybe things would have been different. At least I know that I made the person very happy in his last days. I would do it all again, for he was a wonderful man. Thank you so much.

Caregiving and Hospice, March 20 - March 26, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Dementia and Alzheimer's Care, The Black Hole in Our Society, http://j.mp/1SaWsTq « FamilyAffaires.com

The Eloquence of Silence, http://j.mp/1pKAa4w « The Unprepared Caregiver

National palliative care strategy needed, http://j.mp/1RxiTI6 « North Bay Nugget

Understanding and Managing Grief, March 20 - March 26, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

My Love/Hate Relationship with Easter, http://j.mp/1SkucAi « MADD

Easter and Grief: An Inescapable Connection, http://j.mp/1nZlM6C « The Huffington Post

Picture book helps parents talk to little ones about death, http://ow.ly/XP7lL  « Just Enough Books

Pet Loss: Adoption Failure Leads to Relinquishment and Guilt

Beringer stealing my eyeglasses

Mistakes are the growing pains of wisdom. ~ William Jordan

A reader writes: Recently my husband and I bought a beautiful, 3-mo. old Shepherd/Rottweiler puppy. We brought her home and named her Jenny. From the first night it became apparent that we had made a mistake. We were not ready for the demands of a new puppy, nor could we agree on whether to keep her inside or outside (I say inside, my husband said out). We just bought our home, remodeled, and redecorated, and I was a nervous wreck at the thought of the puppy ruining the furniture.

Caregiving and Hospice, March 13 - March 19, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

What Does Giving Up Really Mean? http://j.mp/1T0TMN1 « Pallimed

Here's what it takes to be a hospice volunteer, http://j.mp/1RVDkZB « HT Health

Avoid The Regrets of “Could’ve, Should’ve,” http://j.mp/1MlBOxS « Seven Ponds Blog

Understanding and Managing Grief, March 13 - March 19, 2016

Best selection from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

7 Things No One Tells You About Losing A Parent As A Child, http://j.mp/1R7mp8O « BuzzFeed

Self Care After Devastating Loss, http://j.mp/1pSTdcM « Christina Rasmussen

Making Time for Grief During Pregnancy, http://j.mp/1Ujh5CJ « What's Your Grief?

Coping with Pet Loss, March 13 - March 19, 2016

Best selection from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Video: Pet Loss Issues On A Good Goodbye TV, http://j.mp/1Uq78Ud « A Good Goodbye

Companies Allowing Pet Bereavement Days - Company Policy on Death of a Pet, http://j.mp/1PgGghn « House Beautiful

Think the weight of grief is lighter over the loss of a pet? Think again, http://j.mp/1PiNLoe « Psychiatric Times

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.

If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

In Grief: Coping with “Moment-of-Death Guilt”

Find the updated version of this post here:

Coping with "Moment of Death Guilt" in Grief

A reader writes: My mom passed away 28 days ago. She was very sick and I took care of her for the last 10 years - she was living with me. I never left her alone, in fact our family dynamic changed because she was our priority. She was in the hospital for 12 days and everyday I was there for 12 to 13 hours, but could't stay overnight because I have a knee injury and it was necessary to rest my leg to be ready for the next day. On November 30th the doctors told me they couldn't do much for her, just wait to see what happened during the following 24/48 hours.
That day I was there for over 12 hours and a friend came and volunteered to stay with her that night. I did not want to leave...I knew she was dying...but I was in denial. I was expecting her to get better to take her home. I left the hospital at 8 pm, but inside of me I had the urgency to tell her how much I love her, and I did before I left that night. At 12:02 my mom passed away...and this is killing me!!! Why I did not stay with her, I'm the only daughter...it was my responsibility to stay, but I was afraid and in denial. She was alone, my friend left at 11:30 pm and I wasn't there. How can I take this guilt out of my chest...if she is not here to forgive me?

Caregiving and Hospice, March 6 - March 12, 2016

Best selection from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

In the last months or days, these treatments can make things worse, http://j.mp/1LgLNcX « The Washington Post

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.

If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Understanding and Managing Grief, March 6 - March 12, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Father's Passing: returning to Sloan-Kettering, http://j.mp/1QKVW1R « AfterTalk

Grief and Comeback: The importance of being before doing, http://j.mp/1LgIKSh « Newburyport Daily News

“Be Strong” Is Wrong (for Grieving Friends), http://j.mp/1LVjNvq « What to Say When Someone Dies

Coping with Pet Loss, March 6 - March 12, 2016

Best selection from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Why some animal lovers are turning to hospice for pets, http://j.mp/1pDxvcv « NJ.com

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.

If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

In Grief: Using Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

Source

[Reviewed and updated May 30, 2023]

A reader writes: Thank you for being here for me these last 23 months. I am grateful for your support and advice. Reading your answers is always a relief. I feel stuck and hurt and as time goes by the feeling of loneliness becomes stronger as more and more I understand the meaning and importance of my other half. I feel like half a person without my beloved. He was my other half, my everything, the center and my reason for living. Trying to get some help and after trying different counseling, I went back to the one I'd started with, since I'd been with him the longest and I hoped maybe he understands my suffering. He suggested a new therapy called E M D R.

Caregiving and Hospice, February 28 - March 5, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Those Working With End of Life Need Closure, http://j.mp/1RgNbJ2 « Hospice Times

Silver Screen Death and Grief, http://j.mp/24x2SFK « Crossroads Hospice Center

At Last! Your Death Acceptance Reading List, http://j.mp/1QdWuM4 « The Order of the Good Death

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.

If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 28 - March 5, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Relationship Struggles May Coincide with Grieving, http://j.mp/1QqP2xl « Open to Hope

Balancing Selflessness and Self-Care in Grief, http://j.mp/1T5d98q « What's Your Grief?

11 Adult Coloring Books That Will Make You Feel Surprisingly Zen, http://j.mp/1QF2RoZ « The Huffington Post

Coping with Pet Loss, February 28 - March 5, 2016

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Man turns grief over loss of his dog into healing message: 'He's a soul extension,' http://j.mp/1SlOBXE « TODAY

Pet Loss: The Pain of Relinquishment, http://j.mp/1KXUh8X « Grief Healing

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.

If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.