Consoling A Bereaved Parent, From A Distance

[Reviewed and updated June 10, 2024]

A reader writes: My husband and I are dealing with his mother's grief over losing his father (her husband), who passed away last month in a wonderful hospice in another state. I have visited your online grief support website, and although it helps calm my nerves somewhat to see that other widows are experiencing the same acute grief emotions as my mother-in law, we are at a loss for how to help and support her most effectively, as she is in one state and we live in another. We are concerned that she definitely needs to get one-on-one grief counseling, but she is so distraught that she cannot even call her doctor and arrange that, or even speak with the wonderful supportive people at the hospice there. What can we do from a distance?

Caregiving and Hospice, April 19 - April 25, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

We Need a Role Reversal in the Conversation on Dying, http://j.mp/1JBCmi5 « The New York Times

Yes. Amen. Being Superman, http://j.mp/1OhrH2V « GeriPal

Dying With a Disability, http://j.mp/1bgs8IR « Grief Digest Magazine

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 19 - April 25, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

 Grief is powerful. Here are 6 lessons survivors learn from tragedy, http://j.mp/1HDpUzR « Vox

How To Deal When Your Widowed Parent Starts Dating Again, http://j.mp/1Gg3TTv « Adequate Man

Groundbreaking Guidelines Address Grief, Trauma, Distress of Suicide Loss, http://j.mp/1z1CxmW « Grief after Suicide Blog

Coping with Pet Loss, April 19 - April 25, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

What to Say [or Not] to Someone Mourning a Pet, http://j.mp/1GnpmiM « Pawcurious

Must read: What I Learned From My Son After the Death of Our Dog, http://j.mp/1HZBENs « HuffPost Parents

Peaceful passings: Hospice, Palliative Care for Pets, http://j.mp/1PirkSE « New Hampshire Business Review

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.
If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Is Grief A Normal Reaction to Divorce?

Source

[Reviewed and updated April 14, 2024]

Freeing yourself was one thing, claiming ownership of that freed self was another.  ~ Toni Morrison

A reader writes: I recently tried to join a grief group. When the leader found out that my wife had not died, she told me that the others in the group would not feel that my grief was as deep as theirs. She suggested that I look for a divorce-recovery group. I wish I was certain that recovery will eventually happen. It has been over 17 years since I lost my wife. Isn’t it pretty clear by now that I will not ever recover?

My response: I’m so sorry to learn that you were met with such insensitivity from a support group leader. I also think your story illustrates the importance of the language we choose to use when speaking about grief.

First, it is pointless to compare one person’s loss with another’s, or to argue whether one type of loss is “deeper” than another kind. Better to say that the grief associated with divorce is different from the grief experienced when a spouse dies, but it is still a death – the death of a relationship – and it still engenders grief.

Caregiving and Hospice, April 12 - April 18, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Healthy Dying... An important part of healthy aging, http://j.mp/1PUJZp9 « GeriPal

A choice for dying: Not a perfect ending, but a better ending, http://j.mp/1FFRGan « SF Gate

5 Questions for Ira Byock, http://j.mp/1OwgVm5 « Spirituality and Health

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 12 - April 18, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Find Your Way With a Labyrinth, http://j.mp/1bcWcFK « SevenPonds Blog

How Can a Labyrinth Help in the Grieving Process? Lauren Artress Interview, Part 2, http://j.mp/1CYghqd « SevenPonds Blog

Kaleidoscope: Rearranging the Pieces After Loss, http://j.mp/1FTOnfN « Open to Hope

Coping with Pet Loss, April 12 - April 18, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Farewell, My Love, http://j.mp/1FRi4Ra « oh melvin (and yo jake)

Saying Goodbye To A Pet At Home, http://j.mp/1HoK4xx « Raising Arizona Kids

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.
If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Voices of Experience: Healing Rituals Help A Grieving Family

Photo by Elaine Mansfield

Rituals do not always involve words, occasions, officials, or an audience. Rituals are often silent, solitary, and self-contained. The most powerful rites of passage are reflective--when you look back on your life again and again, paying attention to the rivers you have crossed and the gates you have opened and walked on through, the thresholds you have passed over. I see ritual when people sit together silently by an open fire. Remembering. As human beings have remembered for thousands and thousands of years.  ~ Robert Fulghum, in From Beginning to End: The Rituals of Our Daily Lives

For 25 years, Elaine Mansfield has taught and written extensively about nutrition, exercise and women's health. Since her husband’s death in 2008, her work and writing have focused on end-of-life and bereavement issues. She also facilitates bereavement support groups for people who have lost spouses or partners and writes for the Hospicare newsletter and website. Elaine is a strong believer in the healing power of ritual, as evidenced in her popular TEDx talk “Good Grief! What I Learned from Loss” and in the piece she shares with us below. Many of the rituals she mentions here are described in detail in her beautiful personal memoir, Leaning into Love: A Spiritual Journey through Grief.

Caregiving and Hospice, April 5 - April 11, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Institute on Aging Friendship Line needs support! http://j.mp/1EgqqD9 « IndieGoGo

The Health Perks of Arts and Crafts for Adults, http://j.mp/1CYF53x « TIME

Rules, Regulations and Unintended Consequences: The Other Type of Swiss Cheese, http://j.mp/1E4Ja8p « Life in The FastLane

Understanding and Managing Grief, April 5 - April 11, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

How Can a Labyrinth Help in the Grieving Process? http://j.mp/1PwFP6A « SevenPonds Blog

Jane Hirshfield On Turning To Poetry In Grief, http://j.mp/1yiTMQc « KUOW.org

In Grief: Us vs. Them, http://j.mp/1ylbL8T « Alive in Memory

Coping with A Cancer Diagnosis: Suggested Resources

Source

[Reviewed and updated September 17, 2023]

A colleague writes: I have a request to consult tomorrow with counseling staff at a high school regarding a staff member just diagnosed with a stage four brain tumor. Looking through your rich web site I'm saying to myself, "Articles, and books and messages, oh, my." Can you help me go to materials on anticipatory grieving, or feeling our own mortality/vulnerability, or helping someone cope with a terminal illness?? You may be able to help me sort through so I can go straight to the meat this busy day before I must show up ready to help! Many thanks if you can help at this last moment.

Caregiving and Hospice, March 29 - April 4, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

From a hospice volunteer: Yes, you make a difference, http://j.mp/1GqeNJX « Kevin MD

Top 10 Quotes From First Episode Of Ken Burns Documentary: 'Emperor Of All Maladies,' http://j.mp/1GPuc6S « Forbes

How The Best Alzheimer's Caregiver I Know Cares – And She’s Only 7 Years Old! http://j.mp/1FlkeIq « Alzheimer's Reading Room

Understanding and Managing Grief, March 29 - April 4, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

What to Say to A Person in Grief, http://j.mp/1HwLyna « OPRAH

The First Year of Grief: Help for the Journey: ebook by grief counselor, http://ow.ly/LbwLM « Self-Healing Expressions

Quiet and Solitude—Friends or Enemies During Grief? http://j.mp/1xKiDfc « Stunned by Grief

Coping with Pet Loss, March 29 - April 4, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Requiem for an Old, Gray Cat, http://j.mp/1DwqeAC « Huff Post GPS for the Soul

Deciding on After-Death Care for A Cherished Pet, http://j.mp/1xOKZp8 « Grief Healing Blog

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.
If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.