In Grief: How Much Can One Person Take?

Source

[Reviewed and updated July 24, 2022]

The sensitive person grants the sufferer the dignity of her own process. She lets the sufferer define the meaning of what is going on. She just sits simply through the nights of pain and darkness, being practical, human, simple, and direct.  ~ David Brooks

A reader writes: Just how much can one person be expected to take? Just how many deaths in one’s close family can one be expected to take? Just when you think things have slowed back to some kind of normality, wham! It lands right back in your face, landing like some unseen weight on your chest. 
          Comments from well meaning people do not make it any easier. A guy says to me, “Hi there … anybody die this week?” I say, “Nope.” He says “Thank god…..one good week in your life! Lol” I do not particularly find that amusing nor remotely caring. Do we as grieving people have to refrain from going near people for fear of putting them in unease?

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 20 - December 26, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

What Grieving Parents Want Others to Know, http://j.mp/1Oj5fR8 « HuffPost (Common Grief)

Grief and Shame: An Unacceptable Combination, http://j.mp/1OGb37O « HuffPost GPS for the Soul

The Promise of Christmas, http://j.mp/1NH3td8 « Grief Healing

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.
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The Promise of Christmas

Source

Ready or not, Christmas will come. And friends, that is more promise than threat.  ~ Peggy Haymes

In her beautiful Christmas message that came via email last week, our friend and colleague Peggy Haymes reminded us that, regardless of the losses we carry or the burdens we bear, the holidays still come, whether we feel ready to deal with them or not.

When we are in the midst of grief, we have hardly any interest in facing these days at all. We feel stressed because there is too much to do, with too little time, not enough money, and hardly enough energy to get out of bed in the morning. Everything seems draped in the darkness of sorrow and loss.

But Peggy gently suggests that a better approach is to focus instead on the real meaning of Christmas.

Caregiving and Hospice, December 13 - December 19, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Medicare, Hospice and Trustworthy Doctors, http://j.mp/1NrRAtD « Barbara Karnes Books, Inc.

A Love Letter – “You Are The Light of Hospice,” http://j.mp/1P9oiAD « Hospice Times

PTSD at the end of life, http://j.mp/1NV722X « GeriPal

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 13 - December 19, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Easter Brides and Christmas Widows, http://j.mp/1Og3YjT « HuffPost GPS for the Soul

How To Manage Grief At Work, http://j.mp/1Pbl1mc « Know It All

Lessons from End of Life University: The Many Paths of Grief, http://j.mp/1Qmx8yr « What Really Matters?

Coping with Pet Loss, December 13 - December 19, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Saying Goodbye to Bruce: A Moving Tribute to a Beloved Pet Pug, http://j.mp/22dYJFx « VetStreet

Self-Help Remedies for Healing Grief, http://j.mp/1QvDhrN « Veterinary Wisdom Pet Parents

What to Do Before Euthanizing a Pet, http://j.mp/1T4gUr8 « Gentle Journey

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.
If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Mixing Grief with Alcohol: Will It Lead to Addiction?

Find an updated version of this post here:

Using Alcohol to Cope with Grief

A reader writes: It's been terrible and bumpy ride so far. Yesterday I wasn't too bad - at least not after I saw my grief counselor. This morning I drove our eldest son and his wife to the airport so they could return to their studies in the US. I've had all three kids plus one daughter-in-law with me this last month. We were all at my husband's bedside when he died. I made the trip fine, was able to concentrate on the road, say goodbye without too many tears and drove home again. Altogether a four hour trip. I got home from the airport, and collapsed into tears. It was early, so the two sons left at home - at least for now - were still asleep. I took a sedative, then a glass of wine, then one more glass of wine. Nothing helped.

Caregiving and Hospice, December 6 - December 12, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Palliative Care FAQS, http://j.mp/1NKtKe3 « Prairie Lakes Healthcare System

The Invisible Hand Reaches into the Exam Room: Ordinary Medicine (Review), http://j.mp/1M4T74I « GeriPal

Living in Two Worlds, http://j.mp/1IF2cGH « The Unprepared Caregiver

Understanding and Managing Grief, December 6 - December 12, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Grief? Are You There? http://j.mp/1ORhDfZ « Grok Nation

Three Suggestions for Dealing with Insensitive Consolations, http://j.mp/1NG0IHZ  « AfterTalk

The Stages of Grief Won't Help You Understand Grief, http://j.mp/21GVvKE « Refuge In Grief

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.
If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Coping with Pet Loss, December 6 - December 12, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Rescued By a Rescue Dog: How Pets Can Change Our Lives, http://j.mp/1lS8c4f « Maria Shriver

Holiday help for grievers, http://j.mp/1jO5CLg « Animals In Our Hearts

Children and Pet Loss: A Family Deals with An Accidental Death, http://j.mp/1YTYflp « Grief Healing

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.
If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Children and Pet Loss: A Family Deals with An Accidental Death

Photo credit: Wikipedia

[Reviewed and updated January 24, 2023]

Children aren’t as affected by pet loss as grownups are – they’re young and they’ll get over it faster. ~ A common myth about pet loss

Contrary to what some people believe, the death of a family pet is a significant event, and often it is the child's first real encounter with a major loss. Suddenly all that friendship, companionship, loyalty, support and unconditional love are replaced with overwhelming and unfamiliar feelings of loss, confusion, emptiness, fear and grief. Far from being a so-called dress rehearsal for the real thing, for most children pet loss is a profoundly painful experience. The following case offers one example.

Caregiving and Hospice, November 29 - December 5, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

5 Activities to do with a Terminally Ill Loved One, http://j.mp/1XKx7Tp « Hospice of the Red River Valley

7 Must-Have Books for Caregivers Everywhere, http://j.mp/1YJtVd8 « Maria Shriver

How Caregiving Changes The Caregiver, http://j.mp/1XIbjrE « The Unprepared Caregiver

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 29 - December 5, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Moving on After the Death of a Loved One With Alzheimer’s, http://j.mp/1m27D8s « Alzheimer's Reading Room

Using Art to Express Myself When I Lost the Words to Grief, http://j.mp/1HLQ3j2 « Maria Shriver

How to Help a Grieving Friend: 11 Things to Do When You're Not Sure What to Do, http://j.mp/1O85w9Q « HuffPost Healthy Living

Coping with Pet Loss, November 29 - December 5, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Yes. Amen: Why Dead Pets Matter, http://j.mp/1Tsw1L2 « The Guardian

Soar, My Butterfly: The Animal Dying Experience, http://j.mp/1TnzDOi « BrightHaven

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.
If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Ambiguous Loss: When Grief Threatens A Love Relationship

Find the latest version of this post here:

When Grief Threatens A Love Relationship

A reader writes: My fiancée lost her 20 year old daughter 5 months ago from complications following a double lung transplant the year before due to cystic fibrosis. She went off without me after her daughter passed to grieve and deal with family as they have been through all of this for years. It was tough with her being gone for the month or so as I wanted to help comfort her. She said she would need me here at home when she got done to be there for her. Since that time she's had many bad days grieving over her daughter. She spends a lot of time with my 6-year-old son, helping get him to school or you name it. She is with him 24x7 at times and she loves him a lot.

Caregiving and Hospice, November 22 - November 28, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Outstanding: Mothering My Dying Friend, http://j.mp/1QIrEgY « The New York Times

Beyond the Bucket List, http://j.mp/1OrPbiF « The Unprepared Caregiver

A Peaceful Reconciliation, http://j.mp/1N75jD1 « Moments of Life

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 22 - November 28, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Inspiring: To the Boy Who Has My Daughter’s Heart, http://j.mp/1XrWsBE « Alive in Memory

Updated: Coping With The Holidays: Suggested Resources 2015, http://j.mp/1YcZLyP « Grief Healing

Updated: Tips for Coping with Sleeplessness in Grief, http://bit.ly/hkoXnZ « Grief Healing

Caregiving and Hospice, November 15 - November 21, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

On organ donation: Donating Our Love, http://j.mp/1PDeLnZ « Widower's Grief

Does Morphine Hasten Death? http://j.mp/216YH1E « Barbara Karnes, RN

Family Care Complications, http://j.mp/1OSIKsf « The Unprepared Caregiver

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 15 - November 21, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

What No One Told Me About Grief,  http://j.mp/1XgUYdp « HuffPost GPS for the Soul

DSM-V is psychiatry's maladaptation in the grey zone masquerading as science, http://j.mp/1NiSZpp
« Kevin MD

Widowed by suicide: Fighting The Stigma, http://j.mp/1LsA6J2 « Soaring Spirits International

Coping with Pet Loss, November 15 - November 21, 2015

Best selection from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Processing Grief After Losing a Pet, http://j.mp/1S7XVvr « Gentle Journey

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.
If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Coping With The Holidays: Suggested Resources 2015

Source

[Most recent update: Friday, December 25, 2015]

I watch the happiness of others, quietly resenting the healthy intact families finding joy at their holiday table. A tinge of jealousy sneaks its way to the surface. The holidays present another level of grief.  ~ Julie Siri

In my daily travels around the Internet, I am always on the lookout for helpful articles and reliable resources that I can recommend and share with my readers. This is especially important during the holiday season, which for many mourners and caregivers can be a difficult and challenging time.

Caregiving and Hospice, November 8 - November 14, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Need Help? It’s There for the Asking, http://j.mp/1MGQRFU « Caregiving Cafe Blog

This App Will Help You Sort Through Your Views On Dying, http://j.mp/1kPiL7P « HuffPost Religion

Care{giving} Myths, http://j.mp/1kO9CfL « The Unprepared Caregiver

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 8 - November 14, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Talking to Kids about the Paris Attacks, http://j.mp/1MIvwfc « What's Your Grief?

Grief and Shame: An Unacceptable Combination, http://j.mp/1LdIuvV « The Adversity Within

Researchers call for hospitals to establish bereavement programs for families of deceased patients, http://j.mp/1HLDcI2 « Dana-Farber Cancer Institute

Coping with Pet Loss, November 8 - November 14, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Grieving Our Pets, http://j.mp/1HCJmzu « Widower's Grief

The Challenge of Grieving for a Pet at Work, http://j.mp/1WSf90T « The Wall Street Journal

How to Know When It’s Time to Euthanize a Pet, http://j.mp/1ljnfUE « Gentle Journey

Veterans Day, 2015

We live in a time of conflict - external and internal - when we sometimes concentrate too much on what divides us. Today, fly the Stars and Stripes with pride and confidence that what unites is far stronger.  ~ Charlie Dent

Our country has established two holidays ~ Veterans Day and Memorial Day ~ to honor the men and women who have worn the uniform of the United States. Unlike Memorial Day (the day we set aside to remember and honor military personnel who died in the service of our country), Veterans Day is intended to thank and honor all those who served honorably in the military, in wartime or peacetime, as well as those who died in battle or as a result of wounds sustained in battle. Veterans Day is our opportunity to thank Veterans and their families for their service, to acknowledge that their contributions to our national security are appreciated, and to underscore the fact that all those who served ~ not only those who died ~ have sacrificed and done their duty.

Caregiving and Hospice, November 1 - November 7, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Best of Intentions: "It's a shame what that doctor is doing to him..." http://j.mp/1Hz68D4 « Pulse

Lewy Body Website Crashes as Public Responds to Robin Williams Story, http://j.mp/1MCi3RL « Alzheimer's Reading Room

The Unrealistic Caregiving Ad: "I'm Keeping Mom Happy," http://j.mp/1QgKOsU « CareGiving.com

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 1 - November 7, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The condolences end. Being a widow doesn't. http://wpo.st/Qell0 « The Washington Post

Using Cremated Remains to Make Portraits, http://j.mp/1WDMNHN « A Good Goodbye

Don’t Make Them Eat Cake, http://j.mp/1Pqti51 « Modern Loss

In Grief: Feeling Let Down By Closest Friends

Source

[Reviewed and updated December 15, 2023]

I can't tell you the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone. ~ Ed Sheeran

A reader writes: I've grown up as a people pleaser and a pretty much a doormat, taking care of others' needs always before my own. As one of my dad's primary caretakers, I became overwhelmed with burnout as I was given a great deal of the responsibility of taking care of him as he was bedridden as well as running errands, doing chores, etc.

Now my father's gone. I'm on the edge of depression and my closest friends are not only, NOT supporting me but also being judgmental and critical about how long I stayed to take care of family matters until I flew home.

Caregiving and Hospice, October 25 - October 31, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Demolishing the myths surrounding palliative care, http://j.mp/1Q1HKki « MedCityNews

Medicare to cover end-of-life counseling, http://j.mp/1RF8aH2 « U.S. News

Hospice Care for Pets is Becoming the New Norm, http://j.mp/1Mz6vor « petMD

Teen Grief: Mourning The Death of A Friend

Photo credit: Abby Martin

Because children and teens grieve differently than adults, their needs, especially support through the grieving process, are often overlooked. Consequently, children and teens are frequently forgotten, even invalidated, as mourners.  ~ Kirsti A. Dyer, MD, MS

A reader writes: When I was 12 years old, my best friend in the whole world died, one month before her 12th birthday. She was in the swimming pool playing that game—you know, who can hold their breath the longest—she was under but when she came up she inhaled a lot of water. She stood up and went over to the ladder and she was wheezing. She got up to the ladder and fell backwards, but her cousin caught her.

Caregiving and Hospice, October 18 - October 24, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Coping with the Impending Death of a Loved One, http://j.mp/1MY8OAc « Pallimed

Do You Have 'The Little Blue Book' in Your House? http://j.mp/1NVl5H6 « HuffPost Healthy Living

A Son Reflects on Father's Cancer Death, http://j.mp/1W4WVJ7 « AfterTalk

Understanding and Managing Grief, October 18 - October 24, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Everything Doesn't Happen For A Reason, http://j.mp/205os1P « The Adversity Within

Grief Is Hard, http://j.mp/204WhAj « Stunned By Grief

On child loss and lessons learned: After Grief,  http://j.mp/1WaiuIr « Responsibility.org

Coping with Pet Loss, October 18 - October 24, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Veterinarian starts pet hospice business, http://j.mp/1jEsq10 « Contra Costa Times

An old dog teaches you more than you’d like to know about mortality http://j.mp/1PD3Aug « The Washington Post

Pet Loss: How Long Before Adopting Another? http://j.mp/1jQvoPv « Grief Healing

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.
If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Pet Loss: How Long Before Adopting Another?

Source

[Reviewed and updated November 9, 2023]

Through heartache and horror, joy and revelry, she was a companion. A comfort. A wonder in all her brilliance and empathy. She was a witness to my life, a thread of certain love and continuity. ~ Rachel Waters, Requiem For An Old, Gray Cat

A reader writes: How much time is enough to grieve between losing one pet and getting another?

My response: Many people worry that getting another pet too soon after losing the one they loved so much is somehow an act of disloyalty to the one who died – but like everything else in grief, that is a very individual matter and varies widely from one person to the next.

Caregiving and Hospice, October 11 - October 17, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Interview: How Music Provides Comfort in End of Life, http://j.mp/1LrKiTn « SevenPonds Blog

‘We soothe souls.’ How end-of-life care can make a difference, http://j.mp/1MCsSIg « The Guardian

Funny Video - The iShiva App, http://j.mp/1G9yPLt « A Good Goodbye

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.
If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Understanding and Managing Grief, October 11 - October 17, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Useful Tips: Grief Hacks: Lists and Little Journals, http://j.mp/1NeNAfv « What's Your Grief?

What They Don’t Tell You About Grief, http://j.mp/1ZFBwe9 « Thought Catalog

I'm the Relationship Vulture: If you have a flaw, I'll circle until I find it. http://j.mp/1GHB57F « Widow Chick

Voices of Experience: Reflections for a Grieving Heart

Chapel of the Holy Cross, Sedona AZ (Photo credit: Wickipedia)

By Anne M. Gorman

The following list is compiled from the many resources that helped me along my way after the death of my beloved husband, Jim, in May of 2012.

1) How to Meditate in A Moment ~ One-Moment Meditation, by Martin Boroson

2) 3 Meditations ~ Excerpts from Oriental Sunrise, by Riley and Gabriel Lee

3) Asking for Nothing .... and Receiving Everything ~ 30 Minute Meditation, by The Reach Approach

Caregiving and Hospice, October 4 - October 10, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

California assisted suicide bill signed into law, what next? http://j.mp/1OVv0fv « GeriPal

Free online course to help talk about end of life care, http://j.mp/1jb0xxp « ehospice

Compassionate Companions: Understanding the Final Moments of Life, http://j.mp/1jb0nGg « Seven Ponds Blog

Understanding and Managing Grief, October 4 - October 10, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

5 Things Not To Say To A Grieving Parent, http://j.mp/1FWGxbZ « Her View From Home

What You Say To Someone Who's Grieving Vs. What They Hear, http://j.mp/1jfxDfu « BuzzFeed

Can you die of a broken heart? Broken Hearted, http://j.mp/1L6YEZb « Barbara Karnes, RN

In Grief: Acknowledging Jealousy and Anger

Find the updated version of this post here:

Acknowledging Jealousy and Anger in Grief

A reader writes: My counselor came. We talked. I told her about my horrible feelings about other people who have been ill and are recovering. Instead of feeling good for them like a proper empathetic person should do, I feel sorry that they are getting better. How totally awful is that? My counselor said that it's anger that my husband died and they didn't. She said she asked me way back if I felt anger at my husband’s death and I said No. She said now the anger is coming out in resentment that others have survived and my husband has not. I think she may be right. I have struggled with this because it seems such a horrible attitude.

When people recover I should rejoice, but I don't. I feel disappointed. This seems to make me the most horrible person I ever met. I am being really honest now with you and you are at liberty to think I am a completely awful person. I wasn't like that before I lost my love. I hope this is a temporary state of affairs because it seems to suggest that bereavement, rather than make me a better, more understanding person has made me a monster of unfeeling. Please don't think me a horrible person, just temporarily one maybe?

Caregiving and Hospice, September 27 - October 3, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

A physicians group's baseless objections to advance care planning, http://j.mp/1KMlWT3 « GeriPal

Health-Care Chaplains Use Online Chats to Extend Reach, http://j.mp/1Jyvmkn « Wall Street Journal

Final Messages of the Dying, http://j.mp/1FD0FiT « Seven Ponds Blog

Understanding and Managing Grief, September 27 - October 3, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Family Misunderstanding After A Death, http://j.mp/1jDtVMt « What's Your Grief?

Why Listening Can Be A Gift, http://j.mp/1NYA3dp « HuffPost Quiet Revolution

In Grief: Aversion to Thoughts Of "Acceptance" and "Moving On," http://j.mp/1NWWAr9 « Grief Healing

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.
If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Coping with Pet Loss, September 27 - October 3, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

For veterinary students, the hardest lesson of all is saying goodbye, http://j.mp/1NYzoZm « The Washington Post

3 Stages of Pet Hospice Care: Part 2, http://j.mp/1iXJnTU « Gentle Journey

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.
If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

In Grief: Aversion to Thoughts Of "Acceptance" and "Moving On"

Find an updated version of this post here:

Acceptance, Closure, and "Moving On" in Grief

A reader writes: This just isn’t something I can live with. I want to see my dad more than anything in the world. I can’t even go near the words “closure” or “accept.” My friend, who never lost anyone, even a pet, in her life, told me in a matter-of-fact, cheery voice, “You gotta get over it, right? Pick yourself up. Go out and live life. Your dad would have wanted you to be out there, I bet.” I almost hung up on her. I know she meant well, but I was so upset by that.

Caregiving and Hospice, September 20 - September 26, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Having a dog can help your heart — literally, http://j.mp/1gYnFgn « Harvard Health

Ideas For A New Hospice Nurse, http://j.mp/1R5qjhp « Hospice Times

Young People, Suicide Prevention and Social Media, http://j.mp/1YAx9QZ « Psychiatry Advisor

Understanding and Managing Grief, September 20 - September 26, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Children in grief: Finding the Right Words, http://j.mp/1LzUbSX « Grief Digest Magazine

Grief and Forgiveness, Part Two: 12 Tips for Self-Forgiveness, http://j.mp/1WjVngh « What's Your Grief?

Insightful: Living on Memory Lane, http://j.mp/1FpD6Ki « Soaring Spirits International

Coping with Pet Loss, September 20 - September 26, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Part 1: What Are the 3 Stages of Pet Hospice Care? http://j.mp/1QuTzNP « Gentle Journey

Make Your Dog’s Last Days His Best Days, http://j.mp/1YvNLtk « Dogtime

The Biggest Mistake Pet Owners Make, http://j.mp/1NQ6SuI « HuffPost Green

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.
If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Caregiving in Serious Illness: Suggested Resources

[Reviewed and updated December 7, 2024]

Nearly 44 million unpaid caregivers form the backbone of the US chronic and long-term care system. These hard working family members provide care to injured veterans, aging adults, children with special needs, and individuals with chronic medical needs. Currently, 72% of caregivers take care of someone 50 or older. As the Baby Boomer generation ages, the number of people who need care will continue to swell.  ~ National Alliance for Caregiving

A reader writes: Can you lend your expertise and provide some resources that will aid in delivering hospice and palliative care to individuals and families who suffer with and alongside serious illness?

My response: Along with the dozens of articles and sites you'll find on my Hospice and Caregiving Pinterest board, I've assembled here a list of websites and resources I hope you will find useful. As always, I invite our readers to add their own suggestions in the Comments section below:

Caregiving and Hospice, September 13 - September 19, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Why is Death Midwifery Important? An Interview with Pashta MaryMoon, Part 1 http://j.mp/1NK9r19 « Seven Ponds

The question doctors fear most: 'Do you believe in God?' http://j.mp/1iTA1rZ « The Guardian

Burnout: Tips for Family Caregivers, http://j.mp/1Oh0oon « Senior Care Central

Understanding and Managing Grief, September 13 - September 19, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Grief Bibliography, updated today: Books on grief recommended by the bereaved http://bit.ly/9J8Wa4 « Grief Healing

In grief: Put on a happy face, http://j.mp/1KVvIsn « DEW's Girl

Supporting a Grieving Child? Use Modeling http://j.mp/1Lk5LS8 « What's Your Grief?

When Delayed Grief Affects Work Performance

[Reviewed and updated July 2, 2024]

I tried to shut out the feelings that were hurting my heart with a thousand tiny pinpricks, which was somehow worse than having it broken all at once.  ~ Morgan Matson, in Second Chance Summer

A reader writes: I lost my dad ten months ago, while I was in my last year of nursing school. I had to 'tuck in' the grieving process in order to graduate which was my dad's greatest wish for me. He literally said, "Don't stop school for me." I originally felt rejected by him, but now I see he was protecting me again. He had an 8 month battle with pancreatic cancer that was just horrible.

So, I've graduated from nursing school, passed my state boards, and I wish I could give him a big hug. Now that the stress from school is over, I feel like I need to continue the active grieving.

The problem is that I'm messing up at work, which is not new work for me.

Caregiving and Hospice, September 6 - September 12, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Zen and the Art of Dying Well, http://j.mp/1OiyGXB « The New York Times

Interesting: Association of American Physicians and Surgeons Comments Opposing CPT Codes for End-of-Life Discussions, http://j.mp/1UHaZrx « AAPS

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.
If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Understanding and Managing Grief, September 6 - September 12, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

10 Places Grieving Widows Can Get Help, http://j.mp/1VRQkDD « HuffPost Healthy Living

September 11: Coping with Aftershocks, http://bit.ly/oLsmLl « Grief Healing

In widowhood: Defining Family, http://j.mp/1ULH4yA « Soaring Spirits International

Coping with Pet Loss, September 6 - September 12, 2015

Best selection from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Using Story To Explain Pet Loss To Children, http://j.mp/1ENwK70 « Grief Healing

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.
If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Using Story To Explain Pet Loss To Children

Find the updated version of this post here:

Children, Pet Loss, and The Power of Story

Death of a pet may be a young family’s first encounter with significant loss, and one of the questions parents will face is how to explain it to their children. Depending upon their age, personality and level of development at the time, children may have a tough time understanding death and the grief that accompanies significant loss, and parents may be at a loss as to how to explain it to them. In an earlier post I shared my belief that one of the most effective ways to help children understand such complicated matters is to tell them a story, or read together one of the many wonderful children’s books available on this topic. 

Caregiving and Hospice, August 30 - September 5, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Is patient-centered care part of the problem? http://j.mp/1KQe5J2 « Kevin M.D.

Empty Pill Bottles Desperately Needed (Take your meds and help others!), http://j.mp/1hpb3iQ « Ginger Ail

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.
If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 30 - September 5, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Getting lost in grief, http://j.mp/1N9Bs0u « What to Say When Someone Dies

Wonderful! How to Write a Condolence Note, http://j.mp/1JFloPh « A Cup of Jo

Wisdom from bereaved mom Maria Kubitz: Forgiveness in Grief, http://j.mp/1N84Fc9 « Open to Hope

Voices of Experience: How Grief Can Affect Your Health

Source

For those of you who struggle with guilt regarding self-care, answer this question: What greater gift can you give to those you love than your own wholeness? ~ Shannon Tanner

A Reflection on Self-Care, by Anne M. Gorman

There is no escaping it. Our immune systems take on the blows of grief. It’s not bad enough that we are brought to our knees when we lose a loved one but many have to suffer the devastation of a second loss and that is our own health.

My first reaction to this is WHY? I know there isn’t an answer to that question.

I am a good person. I never thought about what self-care meant for I always took care of myself. As I cared for my dying husband I attended to him as best as I knew how. I did all the things I needed to do to help him as he took his final journey of life except care for myself.

Caregiving and Hospice, August 23 - August 29, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Must read: What to say to the dying: A hospice chaplain offers some insight, http://j.mp/1fOh33D « ehospice

Why Haven't They Been Listening? An Interview with Zubin Damania, MD aka ZDoggMD, http://j.mp/1JDKS2V « Pallimed

Atul Gawande on America’s urgent need to rethink end-of-life care, http://j.mp/1Il3gIP « The Dallas Morning News

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 23 - August 29, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Overdose Awareness Day, 2015, http://j.mp/1F0pCz7 « What's Your Grief?

Say Their Names: On Recovering After the Loss of a Child, http://j.mp/1MR9Ywt « Seven Ponds Blog

Pets pick up on cues to comfort the dying and grieving, http://j.mp/1Jnw8ny « The Orange County Register

Mother Loss: When Can I Think of Her Without Crying?

[Reviewed and updated August 12, 2023]

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than 10,000 tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.  ~ Washington Irving

A reader writes: I just wish for the day when I can think of my mom without crying. Why does it seem to last for so long? It’s been five months since my mom passed and I still can’t think of her without bawling. I’ve been very depressed lately and some days are better than others, but it often feels as if I’m on a roller-coaster. I just want to keep it together for my daughter; I don’t like falling apart in front of her.

Caregiving and Hospice, August 16 - August 22, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The Lies of Hospice Patients, http://j.mp/1MDdUAS « Pallimed

5 ways to help loved ones adjust to Chronic Illness, http://j.mp/1Jatm4S « About Health

Choice and Control at the End of Life – The 3 Wishes Project, http://j.mp/1PoE8Gj « GeriPal

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 16 - August 22, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Interview: How Do You Recover After the Loss of a Child? http://j.mp/1NC4N3Y « Seven Ponds Blog

Irish singer's moving video about grief will make you weep, http://j.mp/1Jpx4sP « SheKnows

Understanding the Grief of Suicide, http://j.mp/1PqhCNi « HuffPost Living Canada

Coping with Cumulative Losses: Personal vs. Professional

Source

[Reviewed and updated March 28, 2022]

It never rains but it pours.  ~ Old English Proverb

A reader writes: I don’t know where or how to start. I lost a beloved dog a month ago. My other dog is critically ill. I lost a very good friend earlier this year. I am also feeling enormous grief and guilt over the loss of another dog who was killed by a car.
          I am an RN so maybe you can relate a little. I was in critical care for many years and then worked in oncology and hospice. Most of my patients either died suddenly or suffered and eventually died. My involvement with significant others and family members was extensive. I attended many deaths in the course of my career.

Caregiving and Hospice, August 9 - August 15, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

In the face of serious illness: Don't Say Nothing,  http://j.mp/1P4pzHL « Modern Loss

Signs of approaching death, http://j.mp/1hvyIid « Barbara Karnes, RN

In healthcare, focus on patient safety instead of patient satisfaction, http://j.mp/1EjUz0S « Kevin MD

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.
If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 9 - August 15, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Happily ever after: The Big Lie, http://j.mp/1Nac63G « Alive in Memory

Sharing Grief Across Species Lines, http://j.mp/1TFrHHt « NPR

When An Adult Child Dies: Resources for Bereaved Parents, http://j.mp/1LaDbR5 « Grief Healing

In Grief: Ashamed To Share Negative Feelings In An Online Forum

Source

Don't push the river, it flows by itself.  ~ Chinese Proverb

[Note to readers: Permission to share the following exchange with all of you has been granted by the person who wrote to me.]

A reader writes: I was going to post this on our [online Grief Healing Discussion Groups] forum, but it’s such a downer and people posting these days all seem so upbeat that I didn’t want to throw this post in right now. I do need to put it out there just so I know someone hears me. I hope you don’t mind. You’re it. I’m not looking for feedback – just an ear and an understanding heart.

Caregiving and Hospice, August 2 - August 8, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Alzheimer’s Caregiving – There’s An App For That! http://j.mp/1OR2AQl « Alzheimer's Association

Alzheimer's, Dementia Patients and Hospice, http://buff.ly/1g22kCM « Barbara Karnes, RN

Why doctors overtreat patients. And how to fix it. http://j.mp/1KQv5Nf « Kevin MD

Understanding and Managing Grief, August 2 - August 8, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Seeing Death in Nature: Preparing Children for Loss, http://j.mp/1IVh3L5 « It's OK to Die

Don’t You Tell Me How to Grieve! http://j.mp/1KakGta « GriefMinisterDotCom

Helpful article! Tolerating the Intolerable: Beyond Numbing, http://j.mp/1git8i3 « Open to Hope

Voices of Experience: The Trouble With Triggers

Source

by Harry Proudfoot, Walking with Jane

One of my most painful, hurtful, appalling experiences occurred the first time I went to the grocery store after Robby died . . . Every shelf, every aisle reminded me of my dead son. Either the item was something he hated or something he loved. Green beans and hot dogs and peanut butter sent stabs of pain through me.
~ Harriet Sarnoff Schiff

I finished redoing the living room today. Six weeks ago, I ordered two love seats to replace the couch and love seat Jane and I bought when we built this house just over twenty years ago. I’d finally figured out that even with new slipcovers, those two pieces set me off every time I entered the room.

In the process of getting everything in the room balanced—I’ve never studied feng shui, but I know when things are arranged right I feel better than when they aren’t—I decided to remove the next level of knick-knacks that I have kept out as reminders of the couple we were. Fifty-five months and 15 days is long enough to keep the two doll-sized mugs embossed with "My Sweetheart” out where they can remind me every day of what I’ve lost.

Caregiving and Hospice, July 26 - August 1, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Everything you ever wanted to know about death but were too afraid to ask, http://j.mp/1UeMFyQ « The Age, New South Wales

Powerful: Reflections of an Alzheimer's Spouse: Stress and Grief, http://j.mp/1DPqdTw « HuffPost Healthy Living

Details and Lyrics: Ain't The Way To Die, http://j.mp/1MtTASL « ZDoggMD

Understanding and Managing Grief, July 26 - August 1, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Healing Takes A Lifetime, http://j.mp/1DgR5B8 « The Grief Toolbox

Beautiful: She became a hospice nurse because of this story, http://j.mp/1KFhxnR « Kevin MD

Observing A Deceased Loved One's Birthday, http://j.mp/1I64F9c « What's Your Grief?

Coping with Pet Loss, July 26 - August 1, 2015

Best selection from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Pet Loss and Animal Communication: Suggested Resources, http://j.mp/1Jpoef9 « Grief Healing Blog

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.
If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

Pet Loss and Animal Communication: Suggested Resources

[Reviewed and updated April 6, 2023]

Source

. . . when we love animals and want to honor and effectively communicate with them, we must relate to them not only via their physical bodies and observable behavior, but also beyond biology and behavior--to acknowledge and communicate with them at the level of their souls. ~ Teresa Whalen

A reader writes: I am in therapy, and one of the things that I discovered in my sessions is that as much as I miss my cat on a daily basis, what hurts me the most and continues to haunt me is her untimely and totally unexpected death. She was just TOO young and I feel it was so unfair that she was cheated out of her life. Even today, I continue to worry about her and wonder if she is okay. Upon my therapist's suggestion, I have tried to repeat to myself that wherever she is (?) that she is okay, but I find that easier to believe some days than other days. I just so want to believe/KNOW that she is alright. And although I want to do some kind of memorial, I am not ready. Just writing this has brought new tears and I know that looking at her pictures still has the same effect.

Caregiving and Hospice, July 19 - July 25, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Chemotherapy may worsen end-of-life quality, study finds, http://j.mp/1GNK45F « The Seattle Times

Still Caring, http://j.mp/1MNFI3H « Musings of a Distractible Mind

End-of-life chemotherapy: Does it do more harm than good? http://j.mp/1MrN5kf « CBS News

Understanding and Managing Grief, July 19 - July 25, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Touching! Child Loss: Falling In Autumn, http://j.mp/1GOaggw « The Grief Toolbox

SHOULD YOU BE OVER THIS BY NOW? http://j.mp/1HQcM9M «The Grief Toolbox

Coping with Anxiety While Grieving, http://j.mp/1JlAflH « VITAS Healthcare

Coping with Pet Loss, July 19 - July 25, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Living with an Actively Dying Dog, http://j.mp/1InP7PK « Nancy Tanner

Putting Maggie Down, http://j.mp/1KgbKVH « Healing Doc

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.
If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

On Dating A Widower: Is This Unresolved Grief?

[Reviewed and updated March 16, 2022]

He that conceals his grief finds no remedy for it.  ~ Turkish Proverb

A reader writes: I am currently dating a widower who feels the need to publish a picture of his ex-wife in the local newspaper twice a year, on her birthday and date of death. He has been doing this for five years. We have been dating for four-and-a half-years. My husband died suddenly of a heart attack just a month after my companion’s wife died following a two-year battle with colon cancer. At this point, I’m not sure how I am tolerating these very public displays of grief. I have been told that such public displays of mourning are indications of unresolved grief/guilt. My sense is that this is true, which causes me concern not only for my health and that of the man I am dating but for our relationship as well.

Caregiving and Hospice, July 12 - July 18, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

The Error in 'There's Nothing More We Can Do,' http://j.mp/1M5ZFED « The New York Times

Why palliative care is essential for 'A Beautiful Death,' http://j.mp/1CGI4AS « Anne Elizabeth Denny

Caregiving: What Comes Next After 'How Are You Doing?' http://j.mp/1HEWptC «
US News

Understanding and Managing Grief, July 12 - July 18, 2015

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Wills are for the living. Do you have yours? http://j.mp/1I0D9qH « Refuge In Grief

Movie Review, Me And Earl And The Dying Girl: You Will Laugh, You Will Cry, http://j.mp/1OjRljQ « SevenPonds Blog

INSIDE OUT: Carla Grossini-Concha on Loving Her Daughter While Mourning Her Son, http://j.mp/1e3acT4 « Mutha Magazine

Coping with Pet Loss, July 12 - July 18, 2015

Best selection from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

Pet Talk: Hospice care bridges the gap between curing and euthanizing, http://j.mp/1K7xNR4 « The Oregonian

Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.
If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.

In Grief: Feeling No Support In The Wake of Loss

[Reviewed and updated July 7, 2024]

It sounds obvious, but it wasn’t until I was sitting with a friend (and feeling gloriously understood) that it finally clicked: no man can ever replace your mother. ~ Anna Pasternak

A reader writes: I tearfully happened upon your website by chance this morning. My dearest friend, my mom, died in my arms this past month. I had brought her here to live with me after her colon cancer returned. From the moment of diagnosis, I watched her hurt and endure so much treatment, never giving up, always smiling, always gentle, humble. Mom lasted 7 months. My precious friend is no longer with me. Since she died, I’ve received very little support from my husband or anyone else. I joined an online grief group, but I do not feel as if I belong there. My friends have faded away. You would be surprised how people fade away when someone is thrust into care giving. Even our church turned their backs—no calls, no words of comfort, no nothing. My husband confronted them on this, but still no contact.