Why? Why Me? Searching for Answers in Grief

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Looking for Answers in Grief

A reader writes: I have never been a religious person. But it seems that when you have such a tragedy in your life like losing a husband of 40 years that you seem to turn that way because you are looking for an answer. All the books that I seem to read talk about the plan that God has in store for you. Why I get so upset is that I was completely happy with my old plan - being with the love of my life until we were, say, 90 years old (not just 60). So why take my wonderful plan away and make me so miserable because He has a plan for me?
Why tell me I must not be impatient as I have to wait and see what it is. I was completely happy being married, in my cozy little house, with my cozy little life, and my wonderful husband, so why make me so miserable and make my cozy little house cold and my cozy little life upside down and take my wonderful husband which leaves a great big hole inside me that I feel will never heal? Does anyone have an answer for me?

My response: I doubt if there is a person among us who hasn’t asked these same questions: Where is God in all of this? And if the agony of grief is part of God’s plan for me, then I don’t want any part of it! Is there some master plan that controls the events in our lives? (I think of the song, If I Were a Rich Man and that scene in Fiddler On the Roof,  when poor struggling Tevya raises his fists to the heavens and cries, “Would it spoil some vast eternal plan if I were a wealthy man?!”)

I struggle with those same questions myself, and I certainly don’t claim to have the answers. I am not a cleric and I don’t want to enter into a debate on the subject either – but I will support completely your right to ask the questions!