Tips for Coping with Disbelief and Denial in Grief

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In Grief: Coping with Denial and Disbelief

Because it is a gradual process of weaning and disconnection, the shock that is felt after the death of a loved one may continue for weeks, months, or even years, in waves of disbelieving aftershocks. “Forgetting” that your loved one is gone, you may find yourself setting an extra place at the dinner table, expecting your beloved to walk in the door at the usual hour or to be on the other end of the line when the telephone rings. And each time it happens, you’re confronted once again with the brutal reality that your special person is forever gone.

Denial is understood as a defense against that brutal reality. It blunts the impact of the loss, offers you a temporary respite and allows you to process those overwhelming feelings more gradually. On one level you recognize that your loved one has died; on another level you’re unable to grasp all the ramifications of that harsh and unwelcome reality.

Denial is a problem only if it is used deliberately to avoid the reality of death or to escape the emotions resulting from a loss (which can manifest themselves as insomnia, fatigue, anxiety or chronic depression). You may be avoiding reality to one extent or another if you:

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