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A reader writes: I love dogs, and since my husband died, only my beautiful little Cockapoo saves me from living alone. I couldn't survive without her. I know how many dogs in shelters need homes, and one great no‑kill shelter near me may have to shut down for lack of funds. So I've been thinking a lot about adopting a second dog. But I don't know if it's a good time to bring a new pet into my life.
Thanks for this article, Marty. I adopted a second dog about 8 months after my husband died, wanting to fall in love with life again. The dog was in a shelter and had not been fostered. The people caring for the dog assured me she was sweet and dependable. I took my older dog to spend time with her as well as my son. All seemed fine. But when I got the dog home and began teaching her about living out of a cage, she was violent--extremely alarmingly violent, turning on my other dog and bloodying her many times. I worked with the best animal behaviorists, trainers, and my vets and gave the dog all the time and love I could for 3 months, but she was too damaged. My vet impressed on me that the dog would kill a child or other dogs if she got loose--and she wanted to escape. But he could not manage world out of a cage, so that's probably where she'd been raised and probably abused or trained to fight when out of the cage. The only way was to cage the dog for life or euthanize her as the dog was not adoptable or trainable and might turn on me.
ReplyDeleteI waited a while, hoping for a little sign that I could save her, but finally agreed that she was ruining my life and terrorizing my older dog. So I agreed to have her put down. I felt like a total failure. A few months later, I adopted an 8 week old Lab. I'd always had Lab pups and knew I could count on her temperament. My old dog Daisy accepted the new pup and young Willow became the light of my life, especially after Daisy's death. I learned a hard lesson about my own emotions and sentimentality, so will never again adopt a dog that hasn't been fostered first. I didn't do some of the wild things we do when we're grieving, but I am still sad about this naive mistake. I'm also glad I made the hard choice. And glad I then chose to think first about my own needs rather than the many dogs that need rescuing.
Elaine, I cannot thank you enough for taking the time to share your experience with all of us. Animal lover that you are, I can only imagine how difficult this decision must have been for you, especially at a time when you were coping with the recent death of your husband and needing peace in your home. Sometimes the hardest choices in life are the most painful ~ but good for you for having the wisdom and the courage to recognize the importance of attending to your own needs first ~ most especially when you were in the freshest throes of grief.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your reply, Marty. Looking back on this experience of four years ago, I see the violent dog as an expression of my own wild uncontrolled grief--not that I caused her to be violent or she caused my grief, but that her presence in my life made me face something hard and unsettling about myself.
ReplyDeleteI so admire your willingness to find meaning in this experience, Elaine, and to see it as an opportunity for awareness, learning and growth. Clearly you are leading a self-examined life, and for that, you have my deepest admiration and respect. ♥
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