A reader writes: How do you bring back the "drive"? The desire to improve one's self? The desire to learn something new, or to go with your goal? Since my husband died nearly a year ago, I've lost this drive and it seems hard to get it back.
Monday, May 20, 2013
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Thank you for mentioning the books about transition - I will definitely want to explore them.
ReplyDeleteWith regards to the original question: In my experience from working with clients moving through transition, underneath the neutral feeling there is are layers upon layers of deep processes taking place, processes that are not under our conscious control and definitely need to be respected and being taken care of. Sometimes in the form of retrospection (such as the wonderful suggestions above) sometimes in the form of nothing but rest, rest, rest.
When we're really ready to move on, the drive shows up without pushing, from within, as a natural expression of energy that flows freely again. It's worth waiting for - and it cannot be forced by will.
Excellent points, Halina, and I thank you for sharing them! As you say, sometimes what is needed is nothing but rest, and a lot more of it than we may realize. (The total exhaustion that accompanies significant loss is a topic addressed quite nicely in the two articles by Dr. Rob Gordon, listed above under "Related Articles.") ♥
ReplyDeleteReading your comment my thoughts were, "this is good," you have your 'want-to' back. You want to go on--you want to accomplish goals. Now, the problem is the ball and chain sluggishness of grief, the painful brightness of life after walking through such dark. This is a sign of your progress, your healing. Now, even tired do the next thing. My advice is simply four words. Do the next thing. Look at the goal and take one small step in that direction.
ReplyDeleteReading your comment my thoughts were, "this is good," you have your 'want-to' back. You want to go on--you want to accomplish goals. Now, the problem is the ball and chain sluggishness of grief, the painful brightness of life after walking through such dark. This is a sign of your progress, your healing. Now, even tired do the next thing. My advice is simply four words. Do the next thing. Look at the goal and take one small step in that direction. **please forgive me if this posted twice**
ReplyDeleteThank you, Doug, for that sage advice: "Do the next thing." Exactly. Sometimes, especially in the beginning, it's as simple as deciding to get out of bed in the morning. ♥
ReplyDeleteThanks Marty, you are so right and I think being able to decide to get up means you've made it through yet another night, a small thing perhaps, but a big sign that you'll also make it through grief's night.
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