Grief and Sexual Intimacy

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Grief and Sexuality

A reader writes: My mother died recently, and although she was older and it happened rather quickly, still it was the saddest thing I’ve ever experienced. Now, three months later, I’m finding it very difficult to become intimate again with my husband. Even being in close proximity to him is difficult for me. It almost scares me. Especially because I want so desperately to know that my mom is watching over me, but I don't want her to see me having sex with my husband! Can you give me some direction on this? 

My response: You say you want desperately to know that your mom is watching over you, but you don’t want her to see you having sex with your husband. I am not an expert in these things, but in your belief system, if your mother’s spirit is watching over you (just as she did when she was physically here with you), then now that your mother is part of the spirit world, I see no reason why she would not continue to respect your privacy here in the earthly realm, just as she did when she was physically here with you. I’m sure there must be other things you do every day in private, and I would expect that your mother’s spirit would know which of them would require her vigilance and protection and which would not. At our current level of understanding, so much of what we believe about the spirit world is taken on faith and is based on what we choose to believe. In this case, it seems to me that whatever you choose to believe is what is real for you.

Grief and Sexuality
Without knowing anything about the state of your relationship with your husband before your mother died and how it may have changed since, I can only offer you some general information about grief and sexuality, in hopes that it will shed some light on what really may be going on with you.