A reader writes: It has been a year and four months since I lost my brother to suicide. I still feel so lost and more then ever I feel alone with my sadness, anger and disbelief. We had been close when we were younger (we were only 14 months apart) but as we got older we grew apart. The last thing I remember was fighting with him over the phone, six days before he died, and he made a comment about killing himself. I immediately called my dad and asked him to go check on him, but my dad told me that my brother was an adult now and he could not babysit him. Six days later he found him in his room.
My response: I’m so sorry to learn of the tragic loss of your brother 16 months ago, but grateful that you’ve shared your story with us, and honored to be with you in your pain. As you’ve undoubtedly learned by now, death by suicide is one of the most difficult losses to endure, and certainly one of the most difficult to understand.
If you haven't done so already, I strongly encourage you to educate yourself about the subject of suicide and how you can survive it. Learning to understand and manage your own grief is your greatest power over this traumatic loss. I hope you will consider joining a suicide bereavement support network or find a grief counselor or therapist who specializes in traumatic loss and bereavement. (See the links below for suggestions. Your local suicide prevention center will have a good referral list; call and ask for a referral to a professional who works with survivors of suicide.)
In addition, I hope that you will read what others have written about surviving suicide. Doing so will assure you that you are not alone in this tragedy, will offer you some very practical ways to manage your grief, and will help you to recognize that if others can survive this most devastating of losses, then you can do it, too. (See especially Brandy Lidbeck's helpful and informative book, available on Amazon, The Gift of Second: Healing from the Impact of Suicide.)
I want to point you (and others reading this) to some resources that I hope will help. These and dozens of other resources are listed on the Suicide Loss page of my Grief Healing Web site:
- A Suicide Loss Survivor's Bill of Rights
- Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors
- American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
- Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention
- Forefront: Innovations in Suicide Prevention
- The JED Foundation
- Friends for Survival of Suicide Loss
- Grief Memoirs Are for The Living
- Hope Beyond Substance-Related Loss (Audio)
- Healing for Survivors of Suicide
- Healing the Hurt Spirit: Daily Affirmations for People Who've Lost a Loved One to Suicide (Book)
- Heartbeat: Grief Support following Suicide
- In Grief: When A Friend Pulls Away
- Live Through This - Portraits and Stories of Suicide Attempt Survivors
- Living with Loss (AFSP Video Series)
- What My Dad's Suicide Taught Me About Resilience
- Now Matters Now
- Our Side of Suicide
- Prevention Toolkit for A Military Suicide Loss
- Silent Grief: Living in the Wake of Suicide (Book by Christopher Lucas)
- Suicide Shatters (Facebook Page to Raise Awareness)
- Suicide Support from Befrienders International
- Support After Suicide
- Resources for Survivors of Suicide Loss
- Stop Suicide
- Trying to ‘Turn Grief Around’ after Brother’s Suicide
- United Suicide Survivors International
- When It Is Darkest: Why People Die by Suicide and What We Can Do to Prevent It (Book)
Your feedback is welcome! Please feel free to leave a comment or a question, or share a tip, a related article or a resource of your own in the Comments section below.If you’d like Grief Healing Blog updates delivered right to your inbox, you’re cordially invited to subscribe to our weekly Grief Healing Newsletter. Sign up here.
- 4 Things to Know About Emotional Wellness and Suicide Prevention by Melissa Howard
- 5 Things Every Suicide Survivor Should Know by Brandy Lidbeck
- 5 Things I Wish You Knew About The Suicide Griever by Katherine Thome
- 7 Suicide Grief and Prevention Resources Every Funeral Director Should Know by Litsa Williams
- After A Suicide: Information for Families via Mental Health Foundation of New Zealand
- A Mother's Reckoning: Living in the Aftermath of Tragedy by Sue Klebold
- Anger and Grief: The suicide of a daughter showed me how these emotions go hand in hand by Jaletta Desmond
- Ask BR (Belleruth Naparstek): Suicide and Grief via YouTube
- A Son's Suicide and The Holiday Season by Robert Neimeyer
- Boots On The Ground: Sibling Suicide Loss by James Espinoza
- Caring for Your Spirit after a Suicide Loss by Bob Baugher
- Crack My Heart Wide Open by Laurie Easter
- Devastating Losses: How Parents Cope with Death of a Child to Suicide or Drugs by William Feigelman et al
- Drug and Alcohol Deaths - Open to Hope Interview
- Drugs, Alcohol and Suicide - Open to Hope Interview
- Explaining Suicide to A Child by Marty Tousley
- Facing Grief Head On Through Faith by Rev. John McGinty
- Feeling Guilty After A Suicide by Bob Baugher
- Grief Diaries: Surviving Loss by Suicide by Linda Cheldelin Fell
- Grieving A Suicide Death via What's Your Grief?
- Healing from Grief After A Suicide - Love Lives On Interview
- Hiding in Plain Sight: Survivors of Suicide Loss by Cathy Cassata
- Hope In The Aftermath of Suicide by Jan McDaniel
- How Should We Talk about Suicide? Megan Devine interview
- How to Help A Teen Cope with A Peer's Death by Suicide
- How to Support Employees through Suicide Grief by Lindsey Hajek
- How to Talk with Someone Grieving A Suicide Loss via Mayo Clinic
- Husband's Suicide: How Do I Move On? by Dr. Robert Neimeyer
- I'm Not Afraid to Talk About Suicide by Sandy Fox
- In Grief: Supporting the Survivor of Suicide Loss by Marty Tousley
- Love You Like The Sky: Surviving The Suicide of a Beloved by Sarah Neustadter, PhD
- Mourning Death by Suicide: How You Can Provide Support for the Bereaved by Lekeisha Sumner
- My Brother Took His Own Life. Don't Ask If He Left a Note by Stephanie Abraham
- My Gay Daughter Took Her Own Life by Dr. Robert Neimeyer
- "My Son Took His Own Life" by Dr. Robert Neimeyer
- My Son Was A Columbine Shooter: This Is My Story TED Talk featuring Sue Klebold
- Navigating PTSD After Suicide via Our Side of Suicide
- Needs for grief support persist long after bereavement by suicide, as is apparent at key milestones
- Podcast: Grief After Suicide - It's Unique and Complicated by Ronnie Walker
- Processing the Suicides of Beloved Stars by Angelica Stabile
- Presentation Slides for Understanding Why People Die by Suicide
- Reflecting Out Loud by Deborah Greene
- ‘Remember’: New ministry serves Catholics grieving a suicide loss by Mary Farrow
- SafePlace: Good CompanyWhen Grieving A Suicide by Charlie Haffey
- Suicide Awareness Day Is Every Day by Megan Devine
- Suicide of a Loved One by Lisa Bates
- Suicide: A Cry for Life by Kathy Hurt
- Suicide: Surviving The Aftermath by Karen Wyatt
- Surviving A Spouse's Death by Suicide by Marty Tousley
- Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide (SOBS)
- Talking Openly About Suicide by Amanda MacMillan
- TAPS Webinar: Understanding Why People Die by Suicide
- Ten Years and Counting Surviving a Brother's Death by Suicide by Michaela
- The Gift of Second: Healing from the Impact of Suicide by Brandy Lidbeck
- The S Word Movie - Stories of Others Touched by Suicide
- The Understanding Your Suicide Grief Journal by Alan D. Wolfelt
- The Wilderness of Suicide Grief: Finding Your Way by Alan D. Wolfelt
- Thoughts of Suicide in Grief by Marty Tousley
- Three Suicides Last Month Connected to School Shootings by Laura B. Hayden
- To A Deeply Depressed Mother, Suicide Isn't Selfish by Jen Simon
- To Cope with My Father's Suicide, I Had to Learn to Love My Grief by Melissa Blake
- Understanding Survivors of Suicide Loss by Deborah Serani
- Understanding Your Suicide Grief by Alan D. Wolfelt
- Unencrypt - Suicide Post: Please Read by Carly Lafore
- Voices of Experience: Navigating Grief in The Wake of A Husband's Suicide by Charlotte Maya
- 'Was She Sick?' by Jen Simon
- What I've Learned about Grief Following Suicide by Jinny Broderick
- When A Grieving Friend Refuses Offers of Support by Marty Tousley
- When Your Child Dies by Suicide by Dr. Harry Barry
- Why Did My Son Kill Himself? 10 Reasons Why I Think He Did by AnneMoss Rogers
- Zero Suicide: A Bold Mental Health Initiative by Simon Usborne
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