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In Grief: Still Struggling After The First Year
Now it's just me and the dog. I was never very social -- my family was enough for me. If I were to become more social now, I'd basically have to change my personality -- and I just don't have the energy. People have been telling me to get a hobby or get active in some way -- but after I get home from work and walk the dog, I spend the rest of my time doing nothing at all. I feel paralyzed by grief. I know that our grief journey is a roller coaster -- but this roller coaster has been hurtling downward for quite some time. Is this what's called complicated grief? Am I depressed? I can't seem to get a grip on this and the future seems hopeless.
If you find yourself (or someone you know) struggling with new waves of grief after having reached the one year mark, you are not alone. A woman whose husband died 15 months ago described her experience this way:
Now it's just me and the dog. I was never very social -- my family was enough for me. If I were to become more social now, I'd basically have to change my personality -- and I just don't have the energy. People have been telling me to get a hobby or get active in some way -- but after I get home from work and walk the dog, I spend the rest of my time doing nothing at all. I feel paralyzed by grief. I know that our grief journey is a roller coaster -- but this roller coaster has been hurtling downward for quite some time. Is this what's called complicated grief? Am I depressed? I can't seem to get a grip on this and the future seems hopeless.
Most people expect to feel better after that first year of bereavement, as if they've reached some sort of significant milestone in their grief journey. Unfortunately, this is another of those myths about grief that simply does not hold true. If you assume that grief will ease as the second year begins, you may soon discover that in many ways it seems much harder now than it did before. You may find yourself feeling even worse ~ and that can seem very unsettling.
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Marty I think this is such a great article, such an affirmation that yes indeed the 2nd year brings with it as many challenges as the first year. When you climb over the hill of that first year expecting green pastures, the reality is there are different pastures not necessarily greener ones, though in time they do indeed come.
ReplyDeleteSo very true, Maureen ~ and thank you so much for all the good work you do to support those who find themselves in that place ♥
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