Loneliness and Solitude in Grief

Image via Wickipedia

[Reviewed and updated April 20, 2024]

Our language has wisely sensed the two sides of being alone. It has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word solitude to express the glory of being alone. ~ Paul Tillich

If you are among those traveling the winding path of grief, you're probably quite familiar with both these sides of being alone: loneliness and solitude.

With an overwhelming sense of missing the one you love comes the crushing awareness of all that you have lost. You’d give anything to be together again, if only long enough to be relieved of your loneliness and to be reassured that your loved one is still a part of your life.

At other times you may feel a need for solitude. You’ll want to be by yourself, to get away from other people and withdraw temporarily from the pressures and decisions of daily life. This need to turn inward, to reflect on your loss, to get in touch with your innermost feelings is common and not to be feared. In fact it can be a helpful time for you to find your tears and figure out where you are going from here.

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 19 - February 25, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Many Find Solace Online: http://nyti.ms/At6Cky via @InterregnumInc
  
  
• More life lessons to learn… « Memoirs from Widow Island, http://j.mp/xf90dT
  
  
• How can I change my life? The gift of acceptance, http://bit.ly/xZOUHy via @LovingTransform
  
  
• Excellent guest blog by Pete Reinl: The expert on your grief is YOU! http://wp.me/p1aEN7-8d via @HorizonHCH @JenMarsh2
  
  
• FriendGrief: Disenfranchised (Friend) Grief, http://j.mp/wE7OWc

Caregiving and Hospice, February 19 - February 25, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• A Daughter’s Love, a Mother’s Last Breath, http://NYTimes.com
  
  
• What top authors say about caregiving from tips to policy demands, http://aarp.us/yr0usf via @AARPOR
  
  
• Tips on caregiving from caregivers, http://ow.ly/9egwG via @mjcare
  
  
• Lovely! "You're Still You" by Connie Foster, http://bit.ly/y5UUAB via @KoryWells
  
  
• How to talk to one who is terminally ill, http://ow.ly/9ftVG via @SeasonsHospice

Common Myths and Misconceptions about Grief

                      Image via Wikipedia [Reviewed and updated September 4, 2024]

. . . just as speech is invention about objects and ideas, so myth is invention about truth.  ~ Humphrey Carpenter

Loss is a fact of life, and so are the reactions that follow, but the grief that accompanies significant loss is frequently misunderstood.

Here are some of the more commonly held myths and misconceptions about grief, along with the facts to dispel them:

When someone dies, grief is felt only by that person’s family members and friends. In reality, grief is felt by anyone with an emotional attachment to the deceased, whether we know the person well or not. As we saw with the deaths of Whitney Houston and Steve Jobs, for example, we may mourn for public figures we like or respect and admire, even though we’ve never met them personally.

Grief is what we feel only when our loved one dies.  Grief  is a normal response to the experience of loss of any kind, including unusual and secondary losses. Such grief often goes unrecognized and unacknowledged. (Examples include disenfranchised losses such as loss of a cherished pet, and losses stemming from major life transitions such as graduation, moving, marriage or divorce, job loss, incarceration, disability or alteration in health status.)

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 12 - February 18, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Widow Chick: This Too Shall Pass, http://j.mp/zNJ5E9
  
  
• Al Frances, who developed DSM-IV, attacks the medicalisation of grief in DSM5 http://bit.ly/ArlBfw MT @Dr_Tad
  
  
• Culture, bereavement, and psychiatry, http://bit.ly/AyFO5o by @TheLancet via @_lizzy_
  
  
• Dogs and Loss: The Healing Power of Pets, j.mp/wU6FBy
  
  
• Psychiatry debates whether grief is really depression, http://goo.gl/QppTa from @guilfordpress via @latimes

Caregiving and Hospice, February 12 - February 18, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Pet therapy brightens lives of hospice patients, http://bit.ly/ydUbpG via @SolariHospice
  
  
• The very essence of a good death: "Way to Go," http://hospicedoctor.blogspot.com/ by @hospice_doctor via @DignityTherapy
  
  
• Nice video! Hospice care doesn't just have to be a hospital bed, http://bit.ly/xNJhY3 via @JenMarsh2
  
  
• Book Review: Hospice Expert Says There Is No Reason to Fear Death, http://bit.ly/xN62hk via @hospicepharmacy
  
  
• A Closer Look at Assisted Living Part 2, http://aarp.us/zI3SnM by @michelleseitzer via @AARPNY

Coping with Pet Loss, February 12 - February 18, 2012

Best selection from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• When Should You Euthanize a Pet? | Psychology Today, http://j.mp/xTryai

Grief In The Second Year: Finding Your Way

Find a more recent version of this post here:

In Grief: Still Struggling After The First Year

If you find yourself (or someone you know) struggling with new waves of grief after having reached the one year mark, you are not alone. A woman whose husband died 15 months ago described her experience this way:

Caregiving and Hospice, February 5 - February 11, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Why caring for my aging father has me wishing he would die, http://bit.ly/zqYasJ via @doclake
   
  
• "When it's my time to die," http://goo.gl/1GLVd via @EllenRichter
  
  
• Heartwarming! Hospice patient reunites with dog, http://bit.ly/yTLpNi via @hospicepharmacy
  
  
• Flying tips for older passengers, http://nyti.ms/AAQBYm via @liftcaregiving
  
  
• How Caring for Parents Differs from Caring for Children, http://ow.ly/8TURp via @TCAsstLiving

Understanding and Managing Grief, February 5 - February 11, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• The grieving child: on returning to school, http://bit.ly/nT5Tqw by@LovingTransform
  
  
• Managing grief: What to Do About Valentine's Day http://j.mp/zUigp7 by Cheryl Eckl
  
  
• Inching Along | Grief Reflection, http://j.mp/yG256B
  
  
• Are You Weary to the Bone with Grief? http://ow.ly/8TPcf by @Esdeer
  
  
• Interview with young author of new book: Weird is Normal When Teenagers Grieve, http://j.mp/zZMVUf

Coping with Pet Loss, February 5 - February 11, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Helpful articles on caregiving, hospice, grief, petloss on @GriefHealing's Facebook page, http://j.mp/m6xVjC
  
  
• Dos and Don'ts: Helping a Friend Whose Pet Has Cancer, http://j.mp/yxJuo1
  
  
• What happens to your pet if something happens to you? http://NYTimes.com
  

Voices of Experience: The Porcelain Starfish

At last, Deborah had finally found the love of her life, her best friend, her soul mate. Years later, when Larry fell ill and died, she thought she had lost him forever ~ until he found a way to let her know that he wasn't really gone. This is her story.

I love to collect anything blue and white. As a young woman, my grandmother gave me an antique blue and white hand painted vase. Over the years, she passed on to me blue and white tea pots, china, candle holders and more. I cherished each piece and had them displayed throughout my home. My blue and white collection had begun.

After a difficult time in my life, my sons and I had to relocate to another city. It wasn't an easy adjustment for me. I felt lost. I found myself having to start a new life; but I missed my home and being near family. 

Caregiving and Hospice, January 29 - February 4, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• What is Complimentary Therapy? http://bit.ly/wZ4QgY via @KSkipperFoster
  
  
• 7 Myths about being a Hospice volunteer, http://is.gd/bZbUK0 via @eFuneral
  
  
• Meet Aunt Florence’s New Hospice Caregiver: Fido! http://ow.ly/8LpUP via @CareAnyware
  
  
• Hospice: The Conversation, ow.ly/8MgCz by @CaringPeopleInc
  
  
• Palliative care can be used for more than just hospice, ow.ly/8MMkI from @RedefineHospice via @hospicepharmacy

Understanding and Managing Grief, January 29 - February 4, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Dr. T. Byram Karasu: Is grief a pathological condition? http://bit.ly/zcak0B via @MontefioreNews
  
  
• Memorial Service Basics: Honoring the Deceased, Comforting the Bereaved, http://dlvr.it/18yqH8 via @houstonfunerals
  
  
• Death Is Nothing at All, http://j.mp/y2TKZd
  
  
• Loss As A Catalyst For Spiritual Awakening, http://j.mp/zQGJDA
  
  
• Lovely! Butterfly Suite helps bereaved parents, http://bbc.in/zVGu14 via @_lizzy_

Coping with Pet Loss, January 29 - February 4, 2012

Best selections from Grief Healing's Twitter stream this week:

• Finding ways to deal with grief from petloss, http://j.mp/AEJL8v
  
  
• Saying Goodbye to a Beloved Pet, http://j.mp/wi4Bsx
  
  
• Pet hospice grows as more attention is paid to end-of-life options, http://j.mp/yjY9vt