Coping with The Holidays: Suggested Resources 2024

Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.   ~ Albus Dumbledore

Holidays can be difficult to bear in the best of times, but even harder when you are in mourning. This is why, especially at this time of year, many community agencies offer programs specifically designed to help. I encourage you to look to your local hospice, healthcare organization or funeral home to learn what offerings and support services may be open to you over the holiday season.

Veterans Day

We must never forget why we have and why we need our military. Our armed forces exist solely to ensure our nation is safe, so that each and every one of us can sleep soundly at night, knowing we have ‘guardians at the gate.’  ~ Allen West

From the VA's Department of Veteran Affairs:

Each year the Veterans Day National Committee publishes a commemorative Veterans Day poster. The Committee selects a poster from artwork submitted by artists nationwide. Over the years these posters have illustrated the rich history of our country’s service men and women. The poster reflects our pride and patriotism in saluting Veterans while providing the thematic artistry for the year.

In Grief: Mourning An Abusive Mother

It may be hard to play the role of the mourning [daughter] when part of you is saying, ‘Free at last.' ~ Helen Fitzgerald

A reader writes: Two weeks ago, my mother died of metastatic cancer. We had a strained relationship our entire life together. Growing up she could be very cruel to me, and that is what ensued as I tried to care for her. Before her illness, we hadn’t spoken in almost 3 years, but I wanted to be there for her and support her. I forgave her before she died and asked that she forgive me, and I feel a certain amount of closure which we were able to create.

But just when things were going beautifully, it was as if some demonic entity took over her being.

Understanding and Managing Grief, November 1- November 9, 2024, 2024

Best selections from Grief Healing's X feed this week:

My short answer is absolutely not! Why? Because we know that antidepressants alone (even when indicated) are not an appropriate means to provide comprehensive support to someone in grief.  Getting through complicated grief with antidepressants? « AfterTalk

Mystical, Sensory or Extraordinary Encounters in Grief

Whether or not hauntings are physical realities is irrelevant to the grief process. Anything that comforts or guides you in your grief work is naturally valuable. To spend time questioning the experience is to miss the point ~ and perhaps the gift. ~ Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Of all the various ways that grief can express itself, perhaps one of the most unsettling is to experience the presence of a lost loved one ~ days, weeks or months after the death has occurred. When one so dear to you is gone, it can be very hard to accept that the person is really dead.

You may find yourself thinking and dreaming about your loved one much of the time, and it may seem that everything around you is a reminder of the person you have lost. Once in a while you may temporarily forget that your loved one is gone, and you’ll look and listen for him or her ~ and maybe even think that you’ve seen, heard, smelled or touched the person. Part of you believes your loved one is there, yet the other part of you knows that’s not the case.

Unresolved Guilt Following Accidental Pet Loss

Apologies aren't meant to change the past; they are meant to change the future.  ~ Kevin Hancock

A reader writes: I have been doing some research on a grief-related topic over the past few days, and stumbled across some of your blog posts, and find them rather encouraging and welcoming.

Around ten years ago, I inadvertently killed a cat while driving home from a class on a dark road. I later killed a deer that ran directly in front of my car. I have been unable to overcome the guilt in all that time, as I feel that I need to apologize to the cat's owner in order to properly move on (I've never found them). If I never find the owner, to whom should I directly apologize?

Silent Grief: Pregnancy, Stillbirth and Infant Loss

Our duty is to remember them so their place in our lives is one of beauty, a beauty beyond this world. Our duty is to love them boldly, wildly, with every part of our being, and to carry their spirit into the world. ~ Dr. Joanne Cacciatore

A reader writes: It’s been two weeks since my baby died. I was 6 1/2 months pregnant. She had been extremely active ever since I first started feeling her move, but at around 22 or 23 weeks there were days when she wouldn't move at all. At 26 weeks, when I hadn't felt any movement for two days straight, my doctor ordered a full ultrasound, which showed no movement at all, although there was a heartbeat.

When A Grieving Friend Refuses Offers of Support

One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and be understood.  ~ Seneca

A reader writes: I am hoping you can advise me what to do. I have a very dear and close friend whose brother died of suicide a month ago. This was his only sibling. He had to go identify the body and had to come home to a hysterical wife and barely functioning parents. As far as I know he has cried very little if at all. He and I haven't been able to discuss anything at all. My husband and I did everything we could to help the family with things. The problem is now though he will not call anymore and he has pulled away emotionally. He is saying things to me that I would say are hurtful. I have been trying to keep in touch with him, but now he says we are not compatible. I really want to help him through this very tough time. Do I step back and give him space or what do I do??? I am hoping you can give me some guidance. Thank you.

When Grief Threatens A Love Relationship

A reader writes: My fiancée lost her 20 year old daughter 5 months ago from complications following a double lung transplant the year before due to cystic fibrosis. She went off without me after her daughter passed to grieve and deal with family as they have been through all of this for years. It was tough with her being gone for the month or so as I wanted to help comfort her. She said she would need me here at home when she got done to be there for her. Since that time she's had many bad days grieving over her daughter. She spends a lot of time with my 6-year-old son, helping get him to school or you name it. She is with him 24x7 at times and she loves him a lot.

Grief Healing Discussion Groups: Time to Say Goodbye

Announcing the closing of our Grief Healing Discussion Groups, effective January 1, 2025

To all those who visit our Grief Healing Discussion Groups sister site: 

Since May of 2003, our Grief Healing Discussion Groups site has been open to everyone, members and visitors alike ~ advertisement-free and at no cost, 24 hours a day, seven days a week ~ offering reliable information, comfort and support to the bereaved and those who care for them. For 21 years we've been there with one another, day after day, month after month, year after year ~ finding our way together through the loss of someone dearly loved, whether that is a person or a cherished animal companion. Visitors have been welcome to browse, and nearly 12,000 registered members have been free to use all the features of the site.