A reader writes: I’ve been suffering from depression for a long time and am under the care of a psychiatrist. I went to see my doctor for the first time since my father died and was a complete wreck since I had to re-tell what happened. I was crying because it's hard to talk about Dad's sudden downfall and last day, but my psychiatrist seemed to think that I was being overly emotional. I tried to tell him that I'm not upset every day and that I didn't think that my sadness less than five months after Dad's death was abnormal. I did confess to doing some stupid things immediately after he passed and how hard some things have been, but I walked out of his office feeling like I should be over it.
He didn't come out and say it but disregarded my comments about five months not being that long, how I've tried to be social, do yoga, etc. All I got in return was the sense that there is something wrong with me. I don't know how he expected me to behave since while I can talk about Dad, going over his last days is much different. I know people tell us we should be "over it," but I was let down that my doctor couldn't recognize that I'm trying and that I'm early into the grief process (he didn't seem to think that whatever my grief books have to say meant very much). I feel like everything I've been proud of doing meant nothing. In my mind a psychiatrist or counselor should congratulate you on what you have overcome and suggest actions that can help with what you haven't. I guess I just thought I was doing better by following an exercise plan and trying to re-connect with friends, but since I'm admittedly emotionally fragile, to hear only negatives hurt. I suppose that because I was trying to fill that void and a doctor ignored my efforts it stung harder.
He didn't come out and say it but disregarded my comments about five months not being that long, how I've tried to be social, do yoga, etc. All I got in return was the sense that there is something wrong with me. I don't know how he expected me to behave since while I can talk about Dad, going over his last days is much different. I know people tell us we should be "over it," but I was let down that my doctor couldn't recognize that I'm trying and that I'm early into the grief process (he didn't seem to think that whatever my grief books have to say meant very much). I feel like everything I've been proud of doing meant nothing. In my mind a psychiatrist or counselor should congratulate you on what you have overcome and suggest actions that can help with what you haven't. I guess I just thought I was doing better by following an exercise plan and trying to re-connect with friends, but since I'm admittedly emotionally fragile, to hear only negatives hurt. I suppose that because I was trying to fill that void and a doctor ignored my efforts it stung harder.
My doctor asked whether I'd rather “experience the grief and be miserable for a year or more” or take something to ease the pain. He even told me that to come to your online grief forum and vent was the wrong thing to do because none of the members are counselors! I responded that this place has been more than helpful but he brushed that off as well. Right now I'm torn - I personally believe that my emotions are natural since Dad passed recently, but it seems that I'm in the minority with that belief. I left my doctor's office more upset and angry than I have been in a long time.
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